Galaxy
by Leiaaa
Summary: ."I’m a masochist, I told myself as I held a peacefully sleeping Leah in my arms. I hated to admit it but it felt unbelievably good to be so close to her again." Now with Chapter 17, Embry's POV.
1. Secret

A/N: Post 'Breaking Dawn', right before Leah takes off so she doesn't have to stick around and watch Sam be happy with Emily.

**I don't own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I'm just elaborating on her ideas. **

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For the first time in hours we had nothing to say to each other and an awkward silence filled the room. I looked over at Embry and he appeared to be deep in thought. Not wanting to interrupt, I started examining my unkempt nails, wondering how long it had been since I'd taken a file to them or cleaned under them - they looked disgusting. That led me to think of all the other 'girl things' I'd been neglecting. I couldn't recall the last time I'd applied makeup, plucked my eyebrows or painted my toenails. It was weird, hanging around guys all the time because after a while I started being just like them, doing all the same obnoxious and disgusting things they did. I didn't seem to be all that girly anymore - something that needed to change. I wasn't planning on phasing anymore, or at least I hoped I wouldn't have to. I wanted to be normal, live a normal life away from all this magic.

I was anxious for the next few days to be over because that's how long I had before I left La Push for good. Mom was still trying her darnedest to change my mind; trying to get me to stay. I knew she wanted to keep the family together but I needed to get out of here as soon as possible. The longer I stayed, the less likely I was to leave, so I wasn't going to put off my departure date, no matter what. Everyone kept asking where I was going and I always said it was a secret, but really I still didn't have a clue...yet. In the beginning, I was seriously considering California but California isn't far enough from Washington. As of now, I'm thinking Illinois or Colorado, or Rhode Island. Wherever I went was immaterial, so long as it was _far away_ from La Push. Of course, I'd always stay in contact with my family but I didn't plan on coming back, ever.

I looked over at Embry, studying him as I thought about how much I'd miss him and his friendship. I considered asking him to go with me, knowing full well how weird it would be to ask him - It's not like we were B-F-F or anything. Plus, I didn't want to be around when another one of my brothers found their imprint. So, there was no way I'd ever ask him.

Embry's deep voice broke the silence, "Hey Leah?"

"Yeah," I said as my eyes met his.

"Have you ever wondered..."

"What?" I encouraged, "Have I ever wondered, what?"

"Never mind, it's nothing." He broke eye contact.

"You can't do that. That's so not allowed. Tell me." I urged.

He gave me a wicked grin. "Is that an order?"

I pretended to think about it for a second. As I was only second-in-command, we both knew I couldn't actually order anyone around, but I played along, "As a matter of fact, I _order_ you to tell me" I said with an authoritative tone in my voice.

Embry rolled his eyes,"Alright, have you ever wondered, w-what it might be like if—" He stammered, "yeah, I can't say it, order or not." He got up from where he was sitting and started making his way towards the door. "I probably should go. Its getting late."

Being an incredibly inquisitive person there was no way I was going let him leave, not until I knew what he was about to say. "No way, I'm totally not letting you go. No leaving before you say what you wanted to say." I jumped up from the end of my bed and threw my body in front of the doorway, effectively blocking his escape route. "Come on Embry, we've been totally honest with each other lately and not because we had no other choice - Its been really cool. Please don't stop now. Plus, you know I'll find out about it when we phase anyway." I reminded him, even though I wasn't planning on phasing ever again, but he didn't know that.

The smile faded from his face, and his tone became serious "yeah, but you're not going to phase, at least not while you're here. You're leaving soon."

"Yeah. Better reason to get it out now instead of later." I grabbed his hand and started tugging on it like Claire does when she's begging Quil for something. I made my bottom lip stick out in an over-exaggerated pout. "Puh-leeeze!"

Embry laughed, "Okay, I will but please stop doing that, it's creepy. You sounded exactly like Claire for a second"

Laughing, I let go of his hand, straightened my posture and gave him my most serious look, "Okay, I'm serious now. Tell me." I persisted.

Embry got quiet and he looked a little perplexed. I could tell he was searching for a different way to ask whatever it was he wanted to ask me. The longer Embry stayed silent, the more curious I got. I couldn't imagine what it could possibly be. I mean, he admitted he was a _virgin_ not two hours previous because were talking about the whole 'getting close to people' thing. We both agreed it would be impossible to come up with a legitimate-sounding excuse as to why our body temperatures were always at 108 degrees. He concluded that he'd probably be a virgin for the rest of his life. Then I proceeded to tease him about it, I may have even _jokingly_ offered to fix that for him.

_So…wait a minute. Oh, wait. Wait, wait, wait! Is that what this is about? No, not possible. He knew I was joking, he totally knew I was joking. We say ridiculous crap to each other all the time, he had to know I was kidding. _ I examined Embry's body language and his breathing - both of which were more then slightly off. Actually, he looked pretty nervous. He was avoiding all eye contact. _Is he going to ask what I think he's going it ask? If so, how do I feel about that?_ I questioned myself.

My heart started beating erratically and my breathing sped up when I realized I wasn't horrified by the idea. I wouldn't mind, I actually sort of hoped he was going to ask or whatever. It had been a long time since I'd been touched by anyone, in that way, and I didn't know when I'd be touched like that again. Weeks? Months? Years?? I shuttered at the thought.

_Why not Embry?_ He knew my secrets, all of them, and I knew everything about him. We didn't even have to explain the whole wolf thing to each other. There were no more walls between us; everything had been knocked down during the duration of the past few weeks. I liked Embry. He possessed a lot of the qualities I admired in a man and Embry was definitely a man, no question about that. It's not like Embry _wasn't_ a good-looking guy - I looked over his face and his muscular frame.

I could tell that he wasn't going to act unless I persuaded him. "Embry," I whispered, "don't think about it, just…just _do_ it."

His dark eyes met mine and it seemed to me that we both wanted the same thing; to be close to someone—to each other—for just this one night.

Embry took a deep breath - gathered his courage - stepped closer to me and reached his arms out to me. His calloused fingertips gently stroked the entire length my upper arms, which caused a frisson of pleasure to jolt throughout my body; I exhaled audibly.

Clearly encouraged, a wicked smile spread across Embry's face and in one fluid motion, he grabbed me, lifted me up and pushed me up against the door I'd been blocking. I wrapped my limbs around his body. Embry's full lips met mine and I started to tingle all over. His hands were everywhere, exploring my body as if trying to memorize every curve. My fingers fumbled with his shirt, trying to get it unbuttoned and off of him. When his chest was exposed, I felt the contours of it, kissed it and marveled in its perfection. Our lips met again and we kissed passionately; hungrily as we feasted upon each other.

"This is a great idea." I murmured as Embry was kissing my neck.

"Yeah, it is." He took a deep breath and kissed me again, focusing on my bottom lip. I was holding his head, running my fingers through his cropped hair. He let go of my lips "why haven't we done this before?"

"Because we're stupid or because it's probably wrong," I paused, "Wrong, but so totally good." I teased. "The 'forbidden fruit', am I right?" I kissed him again.

"Good," he agreed and kissed my neck. "and so wrong…" He trailed off but he didn't kiss me again. He just gazed into my eyes, as if it was for the first time, ever. A forlorn expression replaced his elated grin. He was about to say something but thought better of it.

"What? Did I say something I shouldn't have?" I wondered out loud before nibbling on his ear trying to draw him back in.

"No. You didn't say anything wrong and you haven't done anything wrong but, I don't think we should do this. Not like this." He said, quickly and quietly while he reluctantly loosened his grip on me and lowered me to the ground.

"What do you mean?" I questioned as my toes touched the ground and I steadied myself; removing my arms from his body.

Then, it hit me. Maybe I was enjoying it more then he was and he knew it. I broke eye contact looked at the ground, my face glowing hot with humiliation. Of course, that's it. He didn't want me to get attached or to think that I meant anything to him, at least not like _that_. This was a one time deal, right? I questioned myself.

Embry placed a hand under my chin, trying to coax me to look at him again. "Leah, nothing is wrong. Nothing. I think--" He hesitated, "I'm enjoying this too much for it to _just_ be casual. Do you understand?"

I couldn't get the nerve to make eye contact with him so I stared at his chest. "Yes...actually, no, I don't understand. What do you mean?"

"Leah, please, do not act stupid with me. You know that you're smart, beautiful and fun to be around. I've really enjoyed spending time with you and I know I am going to miss you when you're gone."

"I'm not acting stupid and I don't know that I am any of those things." I admitted quietly. "I mean, I _used to be_ all those things - I know - but I'm not anymore, not really. I'm different now." I dared to glance up at Embry's face as I said these words.

"Leah, you are either fishing for compliments or in serious denial. I'm guessing it's the last one. You don't see yourself clearly, not anymore, and that's really sad. It's the biggest tragedy in this whole imprinting nightmare. Sure, Sam's doing just fine and so is Emily, but you, you got caught in the middle. You got completely screwed over." He ended angrily.

"Yeah, I know but I'm trying to move on with my life." I whispered as I gave him a weak smile.

He smiled and ran his fingers through my too-short hair, "I can tell you're trying and you're doing so much better these days. You're smiling, laughing and having fun - like you used to. I know you'll be fine eventually but I hate knowing that imprinting took those things away from you."

I was a little surprised that Embry was so passionate about the subject, especially when it came to me. "Thanks, Embry, for empathizing with me about everything. I appreciate it."

"I see you and all that you've gone through and I've decided that I don't ever want to imprint - I'd rather die." His voice was full of conviction. "I want to choose who I fall in love with and I want her to love me back because she chooses to, not because of some BS 'wolfy' instinct that makes that decision for her." He hesitated, "but what's the point of ever falling in love on my own if I risk the chance of hurting someone the same way Sam hurt you."

My eyes were pooling up with tears. I didn't want him to know I was on the verge of crying so I stared at the floor and stayed silent.

"You still love Sam. You're still 'in love' with him even after everything he's done to you." It wasn't an accusation, he was stating a fact.

I didn't want to admit it, not out loud—not to Embry, or anyone, ever. I was still in love Sam but I finally had the sense to hate myself for loving him. I wished, more then anything, to hate Sam or better yet, be indifferent towards him and his relationship with Emily. But I couldn't, not yet, my heart was still unwilling to let go.

"It's okay Leah, I understand" Embry whispered and enveloped me in his arms as I completely broke down. I sobbed into his chest and he comforted me. He held me in his arms and let me cry. After some time, Embry picked me up, carried me over to an overstuffed chair, sat down and cradled me in his lap.

"I-I'm, s-s-so s-s-s-sor-ry." I managed to say between sobs.

"It's alright Lee. It's alright." He stroked my hair and held me tighter, kissing my forehead.

As we sat there, I realized that Embry was the first person who'd ever truly validated my feelings and let me have a legitimate claim on my broken heart. He wasn't insisting that I get over it. He wasn't even asking me why I still loved Sam. He was just letting me cry. Embry was giving me the chance to mourn my (almost) forever love.

It wasn't long before I fell silent and I started drifting off to sleep. Embry stood up, walked me over to the bed, laid me down and tucked me in. He sat there, next to me, for a while. I was slowly being lulled to sleep by the sound of his breathing.

"Leah? Are you awake?" he whispered.

While I was aware that he was talking to me, I didn't answer. I was exhausted, my head hurt and I was somewhere between consciousness and sleep. I let him think I was asleep as I regulated my breathing to long even intervals.

"I need to tell you something before you leave but I don't have the nerve to tell you when you're awake. So, I'm taking the cowards way out." He laughed bitterly before continuing, "I love you Leah Clearwater. I am in-love with you. I love you so much, I've decided not to risk telling you. I couldn't handle it if you don't love me and I couldn't handle it if you do. It would kill me if I ended up breaking your heart the same way Sam did. So, I'm going to love you like this, secretly and it totally sucks because I want to be with you, forever." He then proceeded to kiss me on my cheek softly and caress my hair one last time before he walked out the door as stealthily as possible.

When the latch on door sounded, indicating that it was shut, and he was gone, I cried even more. I wanted to get up, to stop him from leaving, I wanted to tell him that I loved him as much as he loved me but I didn't do any of those things. I let him go because the fact is, I didn't have the right to stop him. He didn't want me to know how he really felt and for a good reason. Losing another love, would kill me and he knew it. And, even then, I wasn't ready to move on, not yet - at least, I didn't think so - It wouldn't be fair to Embry. Most importantly, I wasn't sure if I was in love with Embry. All I knew for sure is that I really liked him.

I stayed up the rest of the night crying, but not over Sam. I cried for Embry and I cried for myself. It dawned on me that I was fooling myself if I thought I'd be able to live a normal life, ever. I would forever be cursed, regardless if I got over Sam. It was imprinting that ruined my life, now and in the future. Embry was right, it was wrong to choose to fall in love because it could all be taken away in a heartbeat. I couldn't put anyone through what I'd been going through and I certainly didn't want to imprint. So it looked like I'd live a loveless existence, at least, romantically-speaking.

I considered the possibility that Jacob had been right and imprinting is only something that happens if you are weak-minded. I knew that he had finally given up resisting the idea of imprinting the exact day he'd imprinted on Renesmee. So, who's to say that it would have happened had he not given up? At one point, I wondered what would happen if I gouged my eyes out, if that would stop me from imprinting. Of course, I'd never go that far—I wasn't insane—but it was an interesting, albeit disgusting, theory to examine.

It wasn't until four in the morning, that I came to a few important conclusions. I decided I was going to take a big leap and hope it was all for the best. If not, if I ended up making a huge mess of things, at least I knew that I tried to take control of my life instead of letting life happen while I played the victim. I decided that as long as I tried, that's all that mattered.

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**So, here's the deal, I really want to improve in my writing. I know I have some original ideas but I suck at the writing part. The more I write, the more confident I feel but I know there is a lot I have to learn (starting with the basics). I'm looking for a little help, some constructive criticism, hell even someone nice enough to beta for me. I started writing fanfic as a release, as a way to express myself, not to be famous. I know I'll never be a professional writer because I know I'll never be that good, but I hope to get better and I'm hoping I can learn through writing here. But yeah, feel free to leave a comment. There's no need to be gentle but please, don't be evil either. **

**Oh and, I need some help coming up with a good summary for my story. I can't think of a way to summarize this because I especially SUCK at summing stuff up.**


	2. New Day

It was around seven o'clock in the morning when I got out of bed, despite the fact I hadn't slept at all. I was exhausted but there was no point in laying around when there was work to be done. The first thing I did was stumble down the hallway to the bathroom so I could take a very long shower and sift through some of my thoughts.

As I lathered the shampoo, I thought about how long it would take for my hair to grow back now that I wouldn't have to cut it ever again. One of the things I missed most was my beautiful, long hair. After I phased for the first time, my beautiful silky hair was all that I had left of the old me – the Leah that was happy and truly loved by Sam. I clung to that last remnant of my past life for as long as Sam would allow, but in the end, Sam said I needed to cut my hair because I looked like a giant, grey Pomeranian and it slowed me down. I flat out refused and Sam finally ordered me to cut it. I wept the whole time I cut it and I didn't stop crying for days.

The guys all agreed that I was freaking out over nothing; that it was just hair and it would grow back. But it wasn't _just_ hair, it was the same hair that Sam used play with, brush his fingers through and Sam_ knew _exactly how much my hair meant to me. In my eyes it was an especially low blow, adding insult to injury. I was beyond hurt and it pushed me over the edge. After that, I took the psychological warfare to a whole new level. It wasn't just Sam who suffered, anymore. I attacked the whole pack – everyone – because I wanted to inflict my pain on everyone; make sure everyone was as miserable as I was. I was successful at first, everyone was miserable. I found sick pleasure in torturing my brothers. Sam was the first to sense the satisfaction I'd been getting out of their misery and that's when he knew exactly how far gone I was. He stopped being miserable and just pitied me and the pack followed his lead. When the pity wore off, they just plain hated me. Actually, they just hated having me around. Even Sam wished I'd just disappear.

While the guys didn't exactly hate my guts, they sure as heck didn't love me either, well actually Embry seemed to like me fine (I blushed ), and so did the rest of the members of Jacob's pack, but I knew a few of the others were harboring a lot of resentment and rightfully so. I wished that I'd attempted to be part of the pack – part of the family – because it sure would have made things a lot easier for me.

The worst part about those days, the part that I am most ashamed of, is that I targeted Embry because he was the quietest member of the pack. Also, his heritage was a bit of a controversy as his father could only be one of three men – all of which were married (and not to his mother) at the time of his conception. I brought it up a lot because it was the most effective tool I had when it came to inflicting pain on the whole pack.

I approached Embry the first day he joined Jacob's pack and I apologized about how cruel I'd been to him. Of course Embry, being the amazing guy that he is, sincerely forgave me. He told me that it was in the past and not to worry about it anymore. His reaction only made me feel worse because I realized that only a complete monster would attack someone with such a pure heart. Embry told me that he knew I wasn't doing well back then and while that wasn't an excuse for my actions, it was understandable. Embry could have been bitter and hateful but he wasn't, he took the high road and he just let go of the past; let bygones be bygones; Embry turned the other cheek. Embry had a heart of gold.

_Why can't I be like be like Embry?_ I wondered.

Early this morning I came to the conclusion that the only thing that was keeping me in this perpetual state of unhappiness was my unwillingness to let go; to forgive and move on. It was clear I was only successful in making myself miserable these days. Sam moved on despite – no, _in_ spite of the fact I was languishing. Sam was living without me and doing just fine.

Could I let go, just like Sam did? Did I want to? _Yes. _

My mind switched gears as I started to shave my legs. My thoughts to meandered to the previous nights events – the time spent alone with Embry. _Embry_. My face - hell, my whole body – flushed bright red as I recalled the timid, gentle way his fingers caressed my arms before he enthusiastically manhandled me. I loved the manhandling part but the gentleness right before, made me weak in my knees and I got all goose pimply. Kissing Embry was, to be completely honest, much better then kissing Sam. Sam was always good at kissing but Embry was just _better_ at it. And Embry's eyes, the way he looked at me, made me feel special. I tried to remember his scent; light woodsy smell with a little spice…or was it musk? Both? Whatever it was, it made me feel tipsy; giddy.

I acknowledged that the previous night was a disaster – by anyone's standards – ending with me crying and alone. _Pretty_ _sad_. But there were some really good things that came from the whole experience, too.

The truth was, I hadn't felt beautiful or feminine in a long time and Embry helped me remember I was both of those things. I thought of the words he said, all those sweet words - words I never imagined I'd hear from him. I reveled in knowing that he wanted to be with me. I beamed because it was nice to know that I was still an object to be desired, and most importantly, it was nice to know that someone loved me like that.

I knew I was stupid to be thinking about these things – about Embry – because it was never going to go anywhere. But I still felt fortunate to have this memory to cling to, a memory that wasn't completely tainted with Sam, like everything else was. And even though things didn't go the way I'd originally wanted them to, I was okay with it. I was grateful that Embry was man enough to stop things before either of us got hurt, before_ I_ got hurt_. He really loves me._

I smiled.

I wondered when it was that he fell in love with me. We'd spent virtually every day together since he and Quil joined Jacob's pack, which, was right after my promotion to beta. I remember Quil being pretty ticked about my status as beta and I found that pretty amusing, so I sort of went out of my way to flaunt my new power. But Embry, he never seemed to have an issue with my being Jacob's second, although, I never picked up on any special feelings, at least nothing out of the ordinary. I concluded that he must have started to like me sometime after I stopped phasing and going on patrols, which was right after we got back from the "fight" with the Volturi – only a few weeks ago.

Since then, we spent most days together, just hanging out and talking about whatever; our plans for the future, our dreams and even a ridiculous, on-going discussion about whether or not anchovies ruined a pizza (he is pro-anchovy and I am not). All that time figured the only reason he was spending time with me because both of his friends ditched him for their ridiculously young imprintees. Well, I figured it was that or the possibility that he felt sorry for me – whichever reason it was, I didn't care because I just appreciated the company.

Whether or not I loved Embry, was unclear. Yes, I liked him. But did I love him? Was this just lust mixed with flattery? Was I just trying to fill a void inside? Whatever it was that I felt for him – beyond friendship – didn't really matter. It's not like he'd ever want to know, _or did he?_ I shook the thought out of my head and I tried to force myself to think of something else.

My thoughts were interrupted when Seth pounded on the door. "Holy crap Leah, how long do you need to shower for?"

"Give me a second okay." I finished rinsing off and proceeded to shut off the water and get out. I wrapped my towel around my body and opened the door.

"I've had to pee for a while" Seth said as he brushed past me and slammed the door.

"Hey baby brother, you could always go pee in the woods, it's not like you haven't done it before."

"And you could always bathe in the river, but you still don't" Seth yelled.

"I love you Seth." I yelled through the door.

When I got to my room, I dressed in a pair of jeans and a cute shirt and then I put on the only shoes that fit me, my flip flops.

As I stood, fully clothed in the mirror, I styled my hair, a difficult task because I had the single-most hideous hair cut in the world. After my hair was looking semi-decent I applied some black eyeliner, some chapstick and a little blush. I spent a few minutes plucking my unruly eyebrows and trimming and filing my finger nails; things that I'd neglected for the past year and a half.

I looked in the mirror, semi-pleased with my appearance, seeing a shadow of my former self looking back at me. I looked older, small bags under my eyes and I didn't have a youthful gleam in my eyes anymore. I was also much taller then I used to be and I was much thinner; gaunt, with long sinewy limbs. I looked like one of those runway models that could benefit from a hot meal.

It felt strange looking in the mirror and examining myself because it was something I hadn't done for a long time. My mouth no longer turned up at the corners, in the perpetual smile that used to cause Sam to melt. "I'll look better when I grow my hair out." I said out loud to no one but myself, trying to reassure my ego that I'd sort of be able to recover my former beauty, someday.

After spending far too long in front of the mirror, I decided it was time to go. I sighed, grabbed my backpack and jumped out my bedroom window, not wanting to attract any attention by leaving through the front door.

When I got outside I started walking in the direction of leech land.


	3. Storming the Castle

**A/N: I went over this again and changed some of the wording because it wasn't how I'd originally intended. Otherwise it's basically the same chapter. I don't know what my problem is because I read over my work multiple times before 'publishing' but I still miss stuff. **

**Also, Twilight and all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing the Twilight universe so I might have my way with it. But, I'll give it back when I'm done, _I swear_! By-the-way, I am not profiting from this in any way. **

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On my way to get what I wanted from the vampires, I'd reverted back into my 'kick-ass' persona – the part of me that was more warrior then woman - the girl that swore like a sailor because it came with the territory; the girl that was ready for a fight and hoped someone was going to piss to her off so she'd have an excuse to attack. I became the Leah that was second-in-command and didn't take shit from anyone, especially vampires, _especially vampires that have been holding out on me, _I thought.

I felt like a complete jackass walking around in flip-flops in the middle of winter. _Who would do such a thing?_ _ A jackass named Leah, that's who_, I told myself. I ended up throwing the shoes in my backpack and continued on, completely barefoot. I didn't like wearing shoes anymore, it just felt too weird.

_Note to self: move to place where I can get away with walking around barefoot._

The fact is, I wasn't comfortable walking around in these woods in my human form, at least not for this length of time and definitely not walking _toward_ 'Parasite Palace'. Out of habit, I was sorely tempted to phase, just this once. But I didn't phase, because I was quitting, cold turkey, I'd promised myself.

As I got within a few miles of the Cullen home, I took a deep breath and sent a message to the mind-reader. _Hey vampire, you know I'm here and now you know why so let me in, _I thought as I boldly approached the Cullen compound. From the outside, there was no sign that anyone was even inside the home but I knew they were because the air was thick with their disgustingly-sweet, flowery stink, plus there was a hint of Jacob's scent mingled in. I decided to approach the door and just knock, since there was a chance the mind reader was out hunting so he never got my message.

Determined, I walked up to the monstrosity of a house - honestly it was a sin to live in such a huge place while so many others went without. I stepped up the front stairs and was just about to knock when I heard foot steps walking up to the front door. As it swung open, I was semi-surprised to see Jacob to be standing there, looking equally shocked.

"Leah?" Jacob said questioningly

"Yeah, that's me."

"What are you doing here?"

"I've got an appointment, well sort of. Why are you answering their door? Are you their new butler as well as their guard dog?" I sarcastically joked with Jacob. The kid could handle it, plus, he knew it was my way of showing love.

Beyond Jacob's massive form, I could hear a loud guffaw coming from somewhere inside the house, it was most likely coming from the jock-sniffing vampire, I'd concluded. I heard some murmuring and then I heard more laughing, this time from more then one of the vampires and then I heard "I am _not_ a jock-sniffer!" So the mind reader was present.

_Hey, mind rapist, get your granite butt out here._

I heard more footsteps and finally the one named Edward pushed his way past Jacob.

"Mind rapist? Really?" He raised his eyebrows.

"What else would you call what you do?" I asked him.

"I can't help that I can hear everyone's thoughts. And its not like you aren't used to having your thoughts being examined by others."

_First off, I don't like that whole situation but it's a level playing field, we know each others thoughts; it's not a one-way street. _

He nodded, "Fair enough. Shall we?" He stepped to the side and invited me inside, to Jacob's complete dismay. I walked confidently past Jacob and followed the vampire down the hallway, toward sitting area of the house with Jacob following close behind me. Before we got there, Jacob stopped me.

"Seriously, what are you doing here?"

"Something you should have done a while back." I snapped.

Jacob just looked at me, clearly not sure what I was talking about.

"The parasite didn't tell you anything?"

"No, he only told me you were standing at the front door and asked me to get it."

"Well, then, you'll know soon enough." I said confidently.

"By-the-way, no calling them leeches, parasites, or any other insulting term. And don't say a word to Bella, if you see her. Edward will kick you out of here so fast – ."

"Sure, Jacob. Agreed." I said in a bored tone. "Now I have some business to take care of, if you'll excuse me." I brushed past Jacob's massive frame and entered the sitting area where most of the Cullens were sitting.

_I won't say anything out loud, and even then, I have new nicknames for all of them. Brain boy is going to love it. _

"Wait here while I check to see if Carlisle is available." Edward said with a faint smile on his face.

"Sure, why not." I sat down, near 'vampire-nightmare Barbie', just to aggravate her - something Jacob clearly got a kick out of.

"It seems as though you finally broke down and took a shower." Blondie said, distain coating every word, "Shame though, you still reek."

I smiled at her, unfazed by her insult. "Hey Rosalie, how do you kill a blonde?"

As I asked, a faint chuckle came from somewhere, upstairs in the house. I could tell she was curious at what the answer could possibly be, especially now that Edward was laughing about it.

"How?" She asked, curiosity finally getting the best of her.

"You rip her limb from limb and set her on fire. It works every time." I said, totally straight-faced and matter-of-factly.

The massive one guffawed again and Barbie smacked him and pouted. The spazzy, tiny one tried hard to repress giggles but was unsuccessful. Jacob's massive frame was shaking with laughter.

"Come on Rose,that was funny." Jock-sniffer said.

"Yeah, it was." Jacob agreed.

"She's funny. You're funny, Leah." Spazzy said as she smiled at me, clearly not intimidated like I wanted her to be.

"Fine, ten points for originality and snarkiness." Barbie grudgingly allowed.

I was somewhat irritated that I didn't intimidate them like I wanted to. _It's probably the makeup_, I decided. _and if I'd taken a mud bath and looked like crap, I bet that would have freaked them out._

In the silence I looked around and my eyes stopped on the tiny body of 'She-who-must-not-be-named', reading a book, but not just any book, mind you. The hybrid was reading 'War and Peace' - _War and friggin' Peace_. What was next, Anna Karenina? She wasn't even a year old!

"Carlisle will see you now" the mind reader said from the top of the staircase.

I looked around at everyone, smiled, got up and started to walk toward the stairs. "Hey, it's been fun, we should do this again sometime" I said, trying to sound sarcastic but clearly not succeeding because I was having a difficult time staying in character since I didn't expect the reception I'd received.

While I walked up the stairs, I heard a low murmur, a conversation of sorts was going on between the vampires but I couldn't make out much. Finally as I approached the top of the stairs, I heard Jacob admit that he had no idea why I was there. I smiled to myself, loving that even Jacob was sort of amazed of what was going on.

Edward beckoned me to follow him down a obscenely long hallway, doors lining the way.

"'Spazzy' and 'vampire-nightmare Barbie'?" Edward questioned, amusement clearly in his tone.

"Well, it was either that or 'succubus Barbie'. Spazzy is totally a given though. That tiny one is all over the place. You know, I think she might have ADHD."

A faint chuckle came from Ed-tards mouth.

"Ed-tard?" He shot a perturbed glance, over his shoulder.

"You're going to have to stop doing that."

"Yeah, I'll put that on my to-do list, right under 'stop being a vampire'."

"Good to know that you have goals. So, are we ever going to get there or should we stop for lunch?"

"We're almost there."

"You know, of course, that it's basically immoral to live this way – in a massive house like this. Think of all the trees that had to be cut down to build this monstrosity."

"Yeah, well it was built almost a century ago, when there were plenty of trees on the earth. We've just kept the place up. By-the-way, we own a lot of preserves around the world. We're trying to keep forests from being slashed and burned."

"Oh." I said stupidly.

We spent the next few moments in complete silence and I gathered my thoughts, sort of rehearsing what I wanted to say to Carlisle. I was bugged that Edward knew everything I had been wanting to keep secret until it came out of my mouth.

We finally approached some French-style doors, that were wide-open. I looked past Edward, and saw the one they called Carlisle sitting at an expensive looking desk, smiling at us – at me. The guy had to know why I was there, how I felt about him and his family, and he was smiling.

_It's like I'm spending a day with the Adams Family. Freaks, all of you, even Jacob - _especially_ Jacob._

Another quiet chuckle came from Edward.

Carlisle stood, walked around his desk and approached us, "Leah, I am glad that you've finally come. We've never formally met, face-to-face." He offered me his outstretched hand, clearly wanting me to shake it. I didn't reciprocate and he dropped his hand to his side, awkwardly.

It was true, we had never formally met. Most times, I stayed in my wolf form and the times I was human I never acknowledged him or his family. Jacob did the speaking for me. "You knew I was coming here? For how long exactly?"

"For a while now. Well, at least we figured you'd come since Edward mentioned you seemed to be formulating a plan to do so. We didn't know you were coming for sure until you were approaching our land this morning." He said, in a kind and gentle way that was quite human.

"So if you knew what I wanted, why didn't you just give it to me. Why did I have to come here? It's not like I don't have grounds for asking what I'm here for. Hell, I shouldn't even have to ask." I said, angerly.

"You're right, you deserve it, all of you do and we're not going to deny you anything. We would have done it sooner but Edward said that this was probably the only way we'd get you here. I've wanted to talk to you."

After I repressing my complete shock, I finally uttered, "You've wanted to speak to me?"

"Yes, for a while now." Carlisle stated, matter-of-factly.

"About what?"

"About your genetic makeup; about all you've been thinking about. Edward said that you weren't sure if you could ever have children."

I shot a murderous glance in Ed-tards direction. "Yeah well, it's not like it really matters. Plenty of woman aren't able to have children of their own."

"But you don't know if you _can't_ have children."

"Yeah, but I'll live if I don't. I've lived through worse, is there a point to all this?"

"Yes. I don't know if Jacob told you, but I'm quite interested in learning more about your kind. I've already done some blood work for Jacob and I was hoping you'd let me take some blood samples before you left. I'd ask someone else but I can't as you are one-of-a-kind. I'd like to see if there is a mutation present in your blood."

I scoffed, "A mutation?"

"Well yes, I want to see if your kind is evolving, and if that's why you – _a woman_ – became a shape-shifter."

"And if there isn't a mutation present?" I asked cautiously.

"Then it means that you'll probably always be the only one of your kind."

"A freak, you mean."

"No, not exactly."

"Well what then? You know what, I really don't want to know. What do I need to do in order to get what I came here for?" I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I didn't want to think about my status as 'freak of nature' anymore then I wanted to think about Sam and Emily having sex.

"You don't have to do anything. You'll get what you want, I promise. I am just hoping you'll agree to leave some of your blood and tissue samples with me so I might run some tests. I may even be able to figure out what's going on with your reproductive system."

I blinked, not knowing what to say.

"So, will you? It might be quite beneficial for you and your kind."

I contemplated his proposal, not sure what to think.

Edward chuckled yet again.

_Damn you and your mind reading and chuckling, _I thought at him.

"She thinks you're going to drink it." Edward said, obviously amused.

Carlisle laughed, "No, Leah, I'd never do such a thing. First off, I've never had a drop of human blood. Second, it would be the equivalent of eating ancient Egyptian papyri. Your blood is priceless."

"My blood is priceless." I said skeptically.

"Quite."

I contemplated further. "If I do this, will you tell me what you find out?"

"Of course."

"Fine, anything in the name of science." I said, trying to sound nonchalant, although it's not like my act even mattered since Edward was there. He knew exactly what I was thinking and hoping. _Jackass. _Mercifully, Edward never said a thing about it.

After agreeing, I went with the good doctor to his 'laboratory', which was surprisingly normal looking - much like a regular doctor's office. I always imagined it would look like Dr. Frankenstein's lab. I sat quietly as he took several vials of blood. He took a swab, rubbed it up against the inner wall of my cheek, telling me he needed it for some reason or another - I didn't understand all the medical terms he threw in. I was sent to the bathroom to pee in a cup, which was weird, but I was willing to do whatever it took to get more answers about my body, about why I was phasing. Carlisle also took samples of my hair and a few other things.

When it appeared we were finally done I said, "Great. Can I go now?"

"Sure. Let me get you what you've come for." Carlisle said as he washed up.

I followed Carlisle back to his office, feeling slightly light-headed due to all the blood I'd just donated in the name of science. I thought that was weird, the light-headedness, because it wasn't like I gave that much blood.

"Here, everything is ready to go, for everyone. There are instructions on how to--, you know what, it's pretty self-explanatory." He handed me several thick manila envelopes, each had a pack members name on it - Everyone - even Sam and his pack were getting something. There was one with my Mom's name on it and another with Billy Black's name on it.

"What is this?" I questioned, not quite sure what I was holding.

"It's what you came for, I promise." Carlisle said in his kind tone.

I looked over at Edward, completely confused. He knew why I was there, and it certainly wasn't for a stack of envelopes.

"She thought we'd have a massive vault full of piles of cash or gold-bricks, that's what the backpack is for." He said with an irritatingly amused grin on his face.

_ASSHOLE!_

Carlisle chuckled softly. "No, this is different, much better, you'll see."

"I'll take your word for it." I felt stupid as I turned to leave. Feeling sort of ungrateful, I hesitated and turned back to Carlisle, looking him right in the eye for the first time, "Thank you, Carlisle, for everything. I know everyone will appreciate this. All the patrolling and other chaos has made it difficult for a lot of guys to keep a steady job or keep up with their studies and stuff like that..." I paused, "I wouldn't have come here if I didn't think this money was needed and, more importantly, deserved. So…thanks…"

"You're welcome Leah." He smiled kindly, just like a human would.

I held my hand out awkwardly and he shook it. His hand was freezing cold to the touch.

When we'd finished, the mind reader from hell cleared his throat indicating that my time was up.

I shoved the heavy stack of manila envelopes into my backpack and followed Edward down the hall.

"Thanks for being civil toward Carlisle."

"Um…yeah. Whatever."

I was sort of irritated with myself for being so nice to Carlisle. I came here to raise hell and all I did was provide these freaks with a bit of amusement for the day. But, in the end, I'd decided that I needed to be civil to Carlisle because Seth thought highly of him and so did Jacob. Besides, Carlisle seemed more real to me; more human then the rest of them. Perhaps, it was knowing he never had a drop of human blood that made me feel more at ease with him. It may have even been the fact that he might help me find answers to my questions.

We walked in silence the rest of the way. My thoughts were all over the place because I couldn't imagine exactly what I had in my backpack. Did they give us stocks, bonds? It certainly wasn't 'stacks of cash' or gold bricks. So what was it?

When we finally reached the top of the stairs, my eyes scanned the room for Jacob. I found him and he had his eyes locked on me. I gave him a sort of half smile, letting him know I'd been victorious.

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	4. Hazard Pay and Goodbyes

**Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Jacob met me and Edward at the bottom of the stairs, curiosity evident in his expression. He even looked a little peeved about me acting without his permission, even though he had no clue what I just did. Clearly, he seemed to think that I went up there and spat in Carlisle's face or something.

"Are you going to tell me what this is all about?" Jacob questioned me impatiently.

"Let's go outside, I'll tell you there." I insisted. I needed to get out of there, the stink of vampires was starting to burn my nostrils.

Edward suddenly seemed perplexed, he rushed over to Jacob's imprint – the hybrid - who was walking over towards us. She was looking right at me and I felt uncomfortable.

The child was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, even I couldn't deny that she was angelic-looking. But, something about her, the way she carried herself, was odd. It was like she had the soul of a very old, wise woman wrapped up in an innocent package. I supposed it was the fact that it just wasn't natural and that is why her existence didn't sit right with me.

_Hell, what am I talking about? I'm not natural, nothing about ANYONE in the room is 'natural' – Circus Freaks, all of us. _

Edward picked up the hybrid, and she touched his forehead – her favorite way of communicating, even with her father who could already read her mind. Whatever she was 'telling' him, caused a look of doubt to spread across his face. They both looked right at me, with their dark honey colored eyes, almost questioningly.

Seeing them together, like that – Father and Daughter – made me completely jealous. It reminded me of how things used to be when my father was around and I was little; innocent. A lump rose in my throat and I had to look away, because the sight was too much for me to bear.

"Renesmee, I don't think it's a good idea."

"But, Daddy, I want to. Jake says she's going away and he says that he doesn't know when she'll be back." The little one's voice sounded like Christmas bells, or birds chirping – something like that.

Again, I felt eyes on me and Jacob seemed to be communicating to them, about something or other, I wasn't sure.

Jacob whispered to me, "Leah, Nessie wants to speak with you. Will you be civil?"

The kid wanted to speak with me? Why? I couldn't imagine what she needed to tell to me. I've never spoken to her before because I never had the inclination to do so - until now, but only because of Jacob. I could hear in his voice that he wanted me to speak to her; he wanted to give his imprint what she desired.

What could I do? I owed Jacob my life, my sanity - everything. The guy saved my life. If it weren't for Jacob, I might have died in the newborn battle. Not only that, it's because of him I was able to escape my own personal hell – thus saving my life a second time. I had to do it for Jacob, as a sort of goodbye and thank you gift.

"Yes, I will Jacob, I promise." I said sincerely as I looked into his eyes, showing him that I was telling the truth.

Jacob examined me for a moment, somewhat surprised. I imagine he thought I was going to storm out of there, screaming 'HELL NO!', because he knew how I felt about her, how I felt about her Mother. But after he examined me and saw my absolute sincerity, he looked over at Edward and nodded.

Edward set her down on the floor and she flitted over to me, gracefully - like a butterfly. I was frightened at first, frightened of what she wanted to talk to me about and my reaction to whatever it was.

Jacob went to pick her up, to bring her up to my level, height-wise and she told him not to. It felt odd, having her stand there with me towering over her, so I crouched down as I would when speaking directly to Claire or any other small child.

Her rosy lips were pursed, as if she were trying to find a way to tell me something. I supposed she wanted to touch me, to show me what she was thinking, but thought better of it. Finally she spoke, "You don't like me, do you?" She said, intuitively.

I looked up at Jacob, completely horrified. He looked pretty horror-stricken as well. I didn't know how to answer her. What could I say? No, I don't like you? And it's not that I didn't like her, exactly. As much as I hated to admit it, to myself or anyone, I was actually jealous of her. _Jealous! _

She had everything I used to have and then some. She was surrounded by people who love her and her father was still alive. The kid was a super-genius from day one. When it came to her future, romantically-speaking, she had a guaranteed 'true love'. For her, there would be no wandering the Earth aimlessly, alone and cursed like I was. She'd forever be young, incredibly beautiful and, knowing her luck, she'd have as many babies as she wanted. Yes, I was most certainly jealous of the kid.

"Um…I-I-" I stumbled over my words, "I wouldn't say that." I finally managed to say. "Why do you want to know?" I questioned her.

"I can sense your animosity but I cannot comprehend why it is present." Her little voice rang out.

_Whoa, huge words for such a small person,_ I thought to myself.

"I do love you; I can't help but love you, because of…" I paused, not knowing if she knew about Jacob's imprint on her. I looked at Edward questioningly, wanting to know how much I was allowed to say about imprinting.

"She knows about it but isn't fully aware of what it means right now, Leah. It is something that we will discuss with her when she is of age." Edward informed me.

I nodded, but I wasn't sure how I'd continue. It was because of Jacob's imprint that I felt love for her, but I still had the ability to _not like_ her or be jealous of her. I felt the same about Emily when I was in Sam's pack. Finally I said, "I love you because my brothers, Seth and Jacob, love you. The whole pack loves you and we'll always protect you." It was the truth and I hoped it would be enough to appease the child.

She looked me straight in my eyes and said, "But, you don't like me."

"It's not like that, exactly. I just have some issues, some things I need to work out." I admitted to her.

"That's why you're leaving, isn't it."

"Yeah, it is. But I have other reasons. Maybe I'll tell you about it someday, after I get back."

"You don't intend to come back. I can tell." She said perceptively.

I was stupefied. How could she have possibly known? Had her father told her?

"Is that true?" Jacob asked, but the question wasn't directed toward me. He asked Edward.

I looked over at Edward, hoping he'd lie for me.

His eyes met Jacob's, "No, she has no intention of ever coming back, at least that's what I sense." He told Jacob honestly.

_Why? Why did you tell him? Couldn't you just wait until I was gone? _I asked Edward, upset that he'd told the truth.

"I'm sorry Leah; Jacob has every right to know. And, no, I didn't tell Renesmee. She has a heightened intuition, which is similar to my ability to read minds."

"I need to speak with you." Jacob said as he yanked me up and away from the quiet audience in the sitting room.

Silently, Jacob pulled me down the hall, out the door and away from the Cullen's house. His rage was evident in the way he carried himself and how he had hold of my arm. We walked for a few minutes until it seemed he was comfortable with the distance away from the house.

Finally he stopped, spun around to face me and said, "What the hell, Leah, you never said anything about not coming back. What's that all about?"

"I didn't think it was an important detail. Why does it matter anyway? It's not like you'll be staying here forever. Sooner or later the Cullens are going to move on and you'll go with them. Will _you_ ever come back?" I spat angrily.

"That's not the same."

"How is it not the same? Is it because you feel you have a perfectly rational excuse because you imprinted?"

"No, it's not that. It's the fact that you have a mother and a brother that don't know you have no intention of coming back. I _know_ you haven't told them you're not coming back, if you had, I'd know it." He said, referring to the fact that he still knew what was going on in Seth's head.

"Why does it matter? I'll always stay in contact with them. Plus, if my mom knew, she'd manipulate you into ordering me to stay. That's the reason I didn't tell anyone; the reason I didn't tell you!" I yelled at Jacob, hoping that he'd just leave the whole thing alone because he knew what it was like to have the desire to leave and never return.

"I _should_ order you to stay! It will break your mother's heart if you don't come back. I should know, I've seen what Rebecca's absence has done to my Dad; to me!" He snarled back at me.

"I can't stay here Jacob! I can't! You _know_ that! You know how I feel. I can't come back. I don't want to see Sam and Emily living happily ever after. I don't want to see Emily pregnant, with _Sam's _babies. I need to get out of here before I loose it again!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face, willing Jacob to remember exactly how messed up I was during my darkest days.

Jacob looked down, obviously not sure what was the correct thing to do or say. He knew I needed to leave. He knew I'd go insane again if I stayed. He knew my pain.

"Look Jacob," I chose my words carefully and spoke calmly, "maybe I'll imprint while I'm away." I said, trying to disguise my disgust of imprinting, "And if that happens, I'll be able to come back, ya know."

"Yeah, maybe you will imprint." Jacob agreed begrudgingly, but then smiled, "That poor bastard, whoever he is, is going to love having you around."

I forced a half smile, "So you won't say anything, you won't phase, until I'm gone?" I asked.

"I won't say anything," he said, "But, I'm serious about calling you out of retirement if you're ever needed. That means, I'll order you if I have to." He said calmly.

"Thank you Jacob." I said gratefully.

"Now, tell me, why you came here today." Jake insisted.

Remembering my earlier triumph, I smiled. I took my backpack off, set it on the ground, unzipped it and I pulled out the stack of envelopes. "You're going to love this!" I said enthusiastically. Flipping through the pile, I noticed that there wasn't one for Jacob, probably because he'd always be taken care of, I'd concluded. I finally found the envelope with my name on it and started to open it.

"What is that? What are all of these?" He gestured to the pile of envelopes.

"It's our hazard pay." I informed Jacob.

"Hazard pay?" His eyebrows shot up, inquisitively.

"Money." I said as I pulled as thick stack of papers out of my envelope.

"You came here asking for money?" Jacob asked, slightly horrified.

"Yeah, we deserve it. A lot of the guys have been struggling because they can't keep a job and/or do well in school because all the overtime they've been spending as wolves. You know, running patrols, protecting humans and leec-vampires," I corrected myself, "putting our lives on the line. This," I gestured to the papers, "is hazard pay. Plus, it's not like they can't afford it, they have more money then Oprah."

I looked over the papers, finally comprehending what Carlisle was talking about. They somehow got the information that was needed to set up accounts for each and every one of us. My account had more money then I could have spent in a lifetime. "Aaaah, much better then stacks of cash or gold bricks." There was also a stack of legal documents about some sort of fund, set up in my fathers name. I put the papers away, deciding that I could read through them later.

"Why did you go over my head?" Jacob asked, obviously annoyed that I didn't ask him to do it.

"Because, you wouldn't have done it and you know it. And if you knew I was going to do it myself, you would have ordered me not to." I said confident in my assessment of the situation.

"You're right, I would have ordered you not to. But, I would have been wrong. The guys do deserve it, so do you." Jacob admitted. "You know of course, it's because of situations like this that I picked you to be my second. You have balls."

I raised my eyebrows, "Gee, thanks, Jacob. It's not like I'm already having issues with my body, now I have balls?"

Jacob rolled his eyes, "You know what I mean. You have the ability to do the right thing, even if it is obnoxious. You're brave, smart and incredibly loyal to your brothers." Jacob shrugged and then patted me on the back. "Thank you, for everything. I especially appreciate your willingness to speak to Nessie."

"No problem. She's a good kid." I said sincerely, "You know, of course, that you need to get moving on your studies. She's going to be smarter then you soon." I said, only half-kidding.

"She is already smarter then me." Jacob admitted.

"Well more reason to get studying. Get your high school diploma and go to college." I recommended, whole-heartedly.

"Yeah, I plan on it. What do you plan on doing?" Jacob asked.

I couldn't tell him the truth - that I had no clue where I was going or what I would do when I got there - although Edward probably would tell Jacob, soon enough. Finally I said, "I'm thinking of using my powers for good instead of evil, you know, probably become a superhero. What do you think of the name, 'She-wolf'?"

Jacob laughed, "Fine, don't tell me." He gave me a warm smile, "I'm going to miss you, smartass."

"I'm going to miss you too, kid." I said meeting Jacob's gaze.

Jacob surprised me by giving me a hug. "I hope you find peace, Leah." He murmured in my ear.

"Me too." I said, returning his hug, squeezing him tightly.

We hugged for a while, "Well, I guess this is goodbye." I finally said, with a tear running down my face, although I wiped it away before Jacob could see it.

"Yeah, goodbye, _for now_." He put emphasis on the 'for now' part.

I released my hold on him, slipped away and smiled, nodding, letting him know that it wasn't goodbye forever. "I'll call when I get to where I'm going." I assured him.

"Okay, you'd better." He said while backing away from me, smiling.

I turned to go, relieved that Jacob was going to keep his mouth shut. I didn't get far before Jacob spoke again.

"Have you said goodbye to Embry yet?" he asked, a teasing tone in his voice.

_Dammit, he knows!_ I thought as I spun to face Jacob, seeing a mischievous grin on his face. I was completely embarrassed. I knew it would get out, what happened between Embry and me, but I figured I'd be gone before then. _DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT!_

"Don't worry Leah, he didn't say a word. He just happened to phase last night, after he left your house. He tried - unsuccessfully - to hide it from me." Jacob said, grinning ear to ear.

"Arrrgh!" I screamed, "_THIS_ is why I hate being a wolf! _No secrets_!!"

"He enjoyed it you know." Jacob informed me.

"Ugh, please, I totally don't want to talk to you about this. I am officially out of here!" I yelled. Exasperated, I turned to leave.

"Bye Leah" Jacob said, clearly amused.

"Yeah, bye!" I yelled over my shoulder as I stormed off toward La Push. Behind me I could hear Jacob laughing as he walked in the opposite direction.

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**Seriously people, I need more feedback, encouragement or whatever. Does my writing suck? Please let me know!**


	5. Rain

**I own nothing.**

* * *

As I neared La Push, I slowed down; wanting to take the time to appreciate what might be my last walk through this particular forest. I stopped walking for a moment, closed my eyes, pictured the way it looks in the summer time, how it smells. The vision was bittersweet, as it brought back a mixture of good and bad memories. In the end, I knew I really was going to miss it, all of it. I spent my whole life there; I'd never left the Olympic peninsula before.

Part of me was sorely tempted to stay, to forget about running away. But I wasn't running away exactly, I was going so I could finally heal. I was running toward a better life; a better me. _It's the only way.  
_

It started to rain as I walked through the last part of the heavily wooded forest. When I stepped into the clearing, I had a full view of La Push. To some, La Push wouldn't look like much, it was a small place, but it was my home; my whole world. _My whole world until tomorrow,_ I reminded myself, which consequently reminded me that I had yet to figure out where I was planning to go. I shrugged, figuring that I could make that decision in the morning. Money was no longer a problem so I could fly anywhere in the United States and once I got a passport, I could literally go anywhere and disappear, if that's I wanted.

I thought about how I'd distribute the envelopes. I didn't mind going to Quil's place and giving him his envelope but I didn't want to see anyone from the old pack - Sam's pack. I started kicking myself for not leaving the envelopes with Jacob. He would have been able to do it, plus, it seemed more appropriate. After some length, I decided to go to Billy Black's place, and give him the stack since he was still on speaking terms with Sam and his pack. I hoped Paul wouldn't be there, but it's not like it really mattered, the guy had been on a short leash ever since he imprinted - Rachel owned the guy now. I also wouldn't mind saying goodbye to Rachel as she and I were close at one time.

I decided I'd make things short and sweet at Billy's house. When I got there, I knocked on the door and Rachel answered it immediately. She was wearing her work uniform. I heard she was currently working at the resort on La Push.

"Leah?" Rachel was shocked and for a good reason. I'd basically avoided her and everyone else that was connected to my former pack – not an easy to do when living in such a small community. Even then, she might have been reacting to the fact that I sort of looked civilized.

"Hi Rachel, is Billy here?" I asked, trying to get to the point.

"No, actually, I think he's out with your Mom or Charlie, maybe even both." Rachel concluded with a smile. Everyone, except for me, thought it was funny that the two guys were vying for my mother's attention. I didn't find it amusing in the least because my father hadn't even been dead for a year. It was disrespectful as far as I was concerned.

I forced a smile, "Oh, then do you think you could give him these?" I asked as I pulled the stack of envelopes out of my backpack.

"What are those?" Rachel asked curiously.

My smile became genuine, "You're going to love it Rachel." I looked into the tiny house, "Is Paul here, there's one for him."

"Yeah, wait a second. Paul, come here." Rachel beckoned Paul to her side.

"Yeah, what is it?" Paul said, before shoving a handful of potato chips in his mouth. When he got to the door, he saw me and sort of grimaced.

"Paul, Leah has something to give you." Rachel said, while grabbing the bag of chips from him and smoothing his rumpled hair. It was as if he was a five year-old and she was his mom. Their relationship was just odd but all imprint relationships were odd, at least that's how I felt.

"Hi Paul." I said civilly, "Um, I just came from The Cullen's place and they asked me to give you this." I pulled Paul's envelope from the stack and attempted to hand it to him. "It's for all that you've done for them."

Paul didn't want to take the envelope from my hands. I could tell he was disgusted by the vampire smell that was still present on the envelope. "Paul, just take it. You deserve it, _Rachel_ deserves it." I said, knowing that the money would allow Rachel to quit her job so she could pursue a career in writing, full-time.

Reluctantly, Paul took the envelope, clearly upset that I even showed up with the smelly thing. He ripped it open and pulled the papers out. Rachel grabbed them from him, as if he were incapable of reading it for himself, and started reading through the stack. I would have left but I wanted to see the look on Rachel's face when she saw what Paul was getting. I figured the poor girl deserved it more then Paul, seeing as she would have Paul following her around for the rest of her life - like a big, dumb puppy with an anger-management problem.

"Is this for real?" Rachel asked cautiously.

"Yes." I smiled ear to ear, nodding. "Yes, it's totally real." I said excitedly.

"What? Paul asked "What is it?"

"It's money baby! More money then you could imagine!" Rachel said, almost screaming.

"What?"

"Baby, it's money! Look!" She pointed to the amount that Paul would be receiving and she kissed him. "Do you know what this means?" She questioned him, "It means we can get a place of our own!" She started jumping up and down and screaming and Paul joined her. "It means I can quit my job." Rachel finally said, excitedly.

"This means I can get a 52" flat-screen TV with surround sound, a blue-ray disc player, an Xbox 360 with the Xbox live subscription and 'Rock Band'!" Paul yelled.

I started laughing, _Yeah, dream big Paul,_ I thought to myself. Suddenly Rachel grabbed me and somehow, I was suddenly jumping up and down with them. It was so much fun seeing Paul, who was still like a brother to me – albeit a brother I never really liked much – get his 'hazard pay'. I celebrated with them for about twenty minutes before I handed over Billy's envelope and said goodbye.

Instead of leaving the stack of envelopes with Rachel, I decided I wanted to take them over to Sam and let him distribute the rest. But really, I wanted to see Emily's reaction to all of it. As jealous as I was of her, I still loved her and I knew I would love seeing her reaction. I knew Sam and Emily had been struggling financially. Sam didn't have the time to hold down a job, he was too busy with his pack and what little time he had left was spent with Emily.

I started walking toward Emily's place, trying to stay calm, reminding myself that Sam probably wouldn't be there that time of day as he was probably out on patrol with Jared. I didn't want to see him for a lot of reasons but most importantly because the last time I'd really seen him – the day the treaty was renegotiated – I punched him in the face after saying a lot of ugly things to him. It's not like he didn't deserve the whole 'being punched in the face' thing, but I shouldn't have done it, even though it felt so good to do.

When I got there, I saw Emily's scarred face staring out the window. I figured she received a call from Rachel, about the good news and she was anxiously awaiting my arrival. When she saw me, she smiled. She rushed over and opened the door for me.

"Come in, you're sopping wet." She said kindly.

"I don't think I should. I don't want to make a mess on your floors." I pointed down to my muddy bare feet.

"Oh, it's nothing. Come in!" She insisted. She was always especially nice to me, probably because she had Sam and I didn't. I tried not to think like that, but it was hard, considering.

I was starting to regret my decision to deliver the envelopes myself. "I'm only delivering some stuff and I've got to go." I said lamely.

"No, I insist, Rachel called and said that you were bringing me some good news. Don't worry about my floors." She grabbed my arm and yanked me inside. "Now, what's this about!?" Emily asked excitedly.

"Didn't Rachel tell you?" I questioned her.

"No, she said it would be much better coming from you."

"Okay. Well, it is really exciting except it's actually for Sam but I'm sure he'll share with you." I said, attempting a big smile while I waved the big envelope with 'Sam Uley', written across the front.

Emily's face, looked confused. "What's that?"

"It's the good news." I said, hoping she'd just take it from my hands and open it so I could get out of there.

"Um…Shouldn't Sam open that?" She questioned me.

"Well, I guess but I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you did."

"What's in there?"

"Open it and you'll find out." I urged, practically shoving it in her face.

"I thought you were coming to tell me some great news." Emily said, sounding disappointed.

"Well, this is news but its better if you just open up the envelope. You won't believe what's inside."

"But don't _you_ have some good news?" Emily questioned me.

"Um…I got an envelope of my own…" I allowed my voice to trail off, not sure if I knew what Emily was getting at.

"What about Embry?" She finally blurted out.

"What about Embry?" I returned the question.

"Well, what's going on there?" She asked. Clearly we weren't on the same page.

"Nothing," I lied or told the truth, depending on how one looked at it. "But that's not why I'm here." I said finally.

Emily, looking disappointed, finally took the envelope from my hands.

"What did you think I was going to tell you, Emily?" I questioned, curiosity getting the better of me.

"Um…well, I thought you were going to tell me that you and Embry were…dating or _something_…" her voice trailed off.

I forced a laugh, "Oh no, I mean yeah we hang out but we aren't dating." I laughed a little more, "...and anyway, I'm leaving tomorrow, didn't you hear?"

"Yeah, I did hear about you leaving. Your mom told me." She said quietly, but then continued, "I just thought that you and Embry..."

"No, it's not like that." I tried to set things straight. "Why? Is my mom spreading stories?" I inquired.

"No, your mom hasn't said a word, I- well, I thought there was something going on there. I've seen you two around town and...well, never mind, I was wrong." She said, disappointment in her voice.

"It's okay, I can see where people would think that. We've been hanging out a lot. But yeah, I probably should go, could you make sure Sam gets these? They're for his pack" I handed the stack over to her as I got up to leave. I didn't want to talk to her about Embry, anymore then I wanted to talk to Jacob about Embry.

"Wait, what about the envelope? Didn't you want me to open it?"

"You probably should open it with Sam." I said as I picked up my backpack "But I know you're going to love it. It's a gift, from The Cullens for all the help he and his pack have given them. Make sure he opens it, he won't regret it." I added as I hesitated by the front door. "Um...I guess this is it" I said awkwardly.

"You're really leaving La Push?"

"Yeah." I said, matter-of-factly.

"Leah, I am so sorry about everything, with Sam. I would never have-"

I interrupted her "Emily, it's in the past, don't worry about it." I forced myself to say, as kindly as possible.

"But, I am sorry." She said with all the sincerity she could muster.

It wasn't the first time she'd apologized about Sam. She'd done so hundreds of times but it didn't make it any easier for me or magically erase what happened. Although I always accepted her apologies because Emily was not one to say what she didn't mean. I nodded my head - acknowledging her apology - leaned down to hug her and told her goodbye. By the time I got out of there, I was close to tears and very upset that I'd been stupid enough to think I could handle spending time with Emily.

I decided to leave the delivery of Quil's envelope to Mom or Seth because because my clothing was sopping wet and the high I felt from delivering the envelope to Paul and Rachel was completely gone. Plus, I was tired, I was really tired and I needed to get some sleep.

I was in a horrendous mood when I got home. It was only made worse when I found my mother there with Charlie Swan. Charlie tried making small talk with me but I didn't feel like being nice. I reminded Charlie that my father had died only nine months previously. I told him that his carrying on with my mother was incredibly disrespectful. That infuriated my mom but I got her off my back by slamming her envelope on the dinner table, telling her that her money troubles were over.

I walked down the hall, toward my bedroom but before I got there, I saw Seth was in his room. I gave him his envelope but I made him promise that he'd finish high school and go to college because it was always Dad's dream that he do so. Seth promised and I hugged him, telling him I would kick his ass if he didn't make good on his promise.

When I finally finished up with Seth, I went to my room, collapsed on my bed and passed out.

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**Hey everyone, the next chapter is going to be more exciting, I swear. I probably could have summed this chapter up but I really wanted to go into how her day went. But seriously, you should leave me a comment. Tell me what you think. REVIEW! I'll give you candy if you do. (disclaimer: I won't actually give you candy, but I'll _want_ to.)  
**


	6. Breaking a promise

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Author's notes at end of this chapter.**

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When I woke up, my head was pounding and I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep. It was completely dark outside, but after looking at my alarm clock, I saw it was only eight in the evening. Remembering I had yet to deliver Embry's envelope, I got up, walked to the bathroom, stripped off my semi-damp clothing and took another shower. I didn't plan on showering for as long as I had that morning, but I decided I would shampoo my hair again. Before I was done showering, someone was knocking on the door.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a second." I yelled.

"Hey Leah," It was Seth.

I interrupted him, "Seth, I said I'll be out in a second, plus I just barely got in. If you need to piss, go outside!" I yelled. I heard some murmuring and laughing at the door. _That damn kid! Probably has one of his many girlfriends out there._

Ever since things had settled down and Seth was back in school, he was highly sought after. Turned out that Seth - and Embry - were considered the most eligible bachelors on the Rez. All the other older members of both packs were either "seriously dating", "engaged" or busy babysitting all the time (AKA: imprinted, but no one knew that). It was ridiculous because even girls from the Makah tribe were hanging around here - all the damn time. Girls my age were fawning over my baby brother, it was disgusting.

"Hey Leah," Seth said again, obviously amused.

"Seth, you and your girlfriends can piss outside." I yelled, almost violently at him. There was more laughing and I was in no mood to be messed with. Once I finished rinsing my hair, I shut off the shower and yelled "Hey, whoever you are, my brother still sucks his thumb in his sleep, you really shouldn't waste your time. Plus, he is not that awesome, I can still kick his ass! If you stick around, I'll demonstrate."

The laughter on the other side of the door was out of control, at that point. I was seeing red. I actually had to close my eyes, take a few deep breaths and calm myself down because I was close to phasing in the tiny bathroom. Once calm, I wrapped my towel around me and stormed out of the bathroom.

Seth was standing there, laughing uncontrollably and next to him was Embry, looking pretty amused.

"I still suck my thumb?" Seth questioned through his snorting.

Obviously, both of them had seen me naked before, which was hella awkward - especially being naked in front of Seth - but even with the towel wrapped around me, I suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable. I was surprised to see Embry standing there and considering what happened the previous night, considering what I knew, I wasn't totally able to look him in the eye. "Oh, hi Embry." I said in an odd voice and then I turned my attention to Seth, "So maybe you don't suck your thumb but I could still beat the living daylights out of you, and you know it."

"Yeah, right." Seth continued to laugh.

"Seriously baby brother, don't think I'm above handing you your ass in front of Embry." I said as I walked down the hall to my bedroom. Before I entered my room, I turned my attention back to Embry, "Hey Embry, don't go anywhere, I've got something for you." Once I was safely in my room I was frantic. I didn't expect to see Embry, at least not yet. I was planning on hand-delivering his envelope to him but I figured I'd have time to mentally prepare for it.

I looked in my suitcase, which I packed a few days previously, for something to wear because my only decent pair of jeans were in a muddy pile on the bathroom floor. Finally, I found a pair of pants that I forgot I owned, they were just grey yoga-type pants but they looked good on me. I threw on a bra, and a fitted shirt that was aqua colored and looked good against my skin-tone. Looking in the mirror I brushed my fingers through my hair until it wasn't hideous looking. I was horrified to see that I had dark streaks down my face from my eyeliner. After successfully wiping my face off, I applied more eyeliner around my eyes and put some chapstick on my lips. I took one last look in the mirror, appraising what I saw, _Not too bad, but not great either, _grabbed Embry's envelope, took a deep breath, opened the door and stepped out of my room.

Seth and Embry were no longer at the end of the hall, standing by the bathroom. I could hear them in the living room, talking. I took an extra second to gather my thoughts before walking over there. I decided that I was going to pretend nothing happened between Embry and myself - no makeout session, no crying in Embry's arms, no pretending to be asleep and definitely no secret profession of love. _None of it happened_, I told myself. _Now, act normal._

I entered the living room, looked at Seth and asked "Did you tell him?" Seth smiled and said he hadn't. I looked at Embry, stepped closer to where he was sitting and offered the envelope to him. "Here, this is for you." I said in a normal-enough sounding voice.

Immediately he smelled the sweet stink of vampire on it and he gave me a questioning glance

"Embry, open it. You won't believe what's inside." Seth said excitedly.

Embry looked back at me, so I smiled and nodded encouragingly. "Seriously, just open it." I said.

He reached out, grabbed it, ripped it open and immediately started reading through the top page. When he was finally finished, he looked up at me, shock evident on his face. "Is this real?" He questioned quietly.

"Yeah, it is." I assured him.

Embry didn't react the way Rachel and Paul did, he just sat there quietly, completely dumb-struck. Seth and I exchanged a glance because we were both sort of confused by Embry's silence. Although, I don't know why I expected anything different, Embry was never a loud or obnoxious guy. Embry was thoughtful and a lot more quiet then my other brothers. I realized he was just taking it all in; savoring it.

Just then, the phone rang and Seth stepped to the other room to answer it. When he was gone, I walked over and sat next to Embry. "So, what do you think? What are you going to do with all of it?" I finally dared to ask.

Embry looked at me, was about to speak when Seth interrupted, "Hey Leah, the phone is for you." He came into the room with a solemn look on his face.

"Who is it?" I questioned, not wanting to leave Embry's side.

"It's Sam, he wants to speak to you." He said, fully aware of how it would effect me.

My stomach flipped and I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. My first instinct was to walk over and hang up the phone and I almost did just that. But there was another part of me, the part that would do anything to hear Sam's voice - one last time - that insisted I speak to him. My hands were shaking in anticipation as I grabbed the phone. "Hello?" I said the second I had the phone to my ear.

"Leah?" Sam's deep voice sounded in my ear, saying my name.

My heart was racing and I was having trouble breathing. I struggled to swallow and I finally answered "Yes?"

"I just got to Emily's place and she said you left this stack of envelopes with her."

"Yeah, I did."

"What are they for?" He questioned gruffly.

"Open yours and you'll find out." I answered.

"They reek of parasite, what are they for?" He asked, clearly unsure about opening his envelope.

"It's a gift, from the Cullens' - money - for all you and your pack have done for them." I shot back at him, resenting the fact that he seemed to think I was trying to mess with him.

"Why did they give the envelopes to you?" He questioned me further.

"I went over and asked them for 'hazard pay' today. I thought we all deserved it, considering their presence in the area has wreaked havoc in all our lives, considering we've all put our lives on the line." I started to get angry, "You and the other guys can't hold down jobs. My brother, Jacob, Embry, Brady, Collin and the rest have just about flunked out of school and _my life_ has become a complete joke!" I yelled at Sam but I was far from being finished, "So I went over there - by myself - to get the money that_ I _deserve, that _we all_ deserve. But if you don't want it, by all means throw it in the trash! I'm sure the guys won't mind you throwing their college funds - their futures - in the garbage!" I yelled at him.

My answer seemed to appease him enough to open his envelope because I could hear him opening his envelope. I heard the rustling of papers and he started murmuring as he quietly read the contents of the cover letter. After a minute or so he finally spoke, "Is this real?" he asked, doubt apparent in his tone.

Breathing deeply I fought to stay in control. I had to close my eyes and concentrate hard so I could answer him, but I didn't have it in me to give him a simple 'yes'. "YES, YOU _STUPID_ SON OF A BITCH!!" I screamed at him. A moment later, Seth and Embry were by my side, as it was clear I was about to lose it. Seth had to pry the phone from my hands before I bashed it to bits and Embry held me as he instructed me to breathe deep.

I tried to concentrate, to breathe, but it was too late and the damage had been done. Sam's complete lack of trust hurt - hurt more then anything I had to endure since he broke up with me. I hated that he questioned me so extensively, obviously not believing me. There was a time that he trusted me entirely and while I did little to keep his trust - especially after abandoning his pack for Jacob's - I was hurt that he thought I would go out of my way to 'eff' with his head so badly. Perhaps it was because Sam no longer had the ability to read my mind that caused him to be skeptical. Whatever his reason didn't matter anymore because my body was already vibrating violently, like a tuning fork and my muscles were on fire, threatening to rip apart any second.

I was about to break my promise to myself. I was about to phase.

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**So what do you think? Exciting? Too long? Boring? What? I've been wondering if my chapters are a little too long, what do you think? You'll get a gold star if you review!**

**A/N: It's weird but in my original outline, chapters 6 and 7 were completely different - Leah was going to say goodbye to Embry and runaway to friggin' Hawaii (I think that sounds_ really stupid_ now). I kept trying to write chapter 6 but for whatever things weren't falling into place. Finally, I decided to let go of my outline and chapter 6 sort of wrote itself - It literally took on a life of it's own. I realize it's shorter then my other chapters (and probably less edited) but after I typed it up, I was spazzing out about it and I wanted to post it. I couldn't stop writing after I posted chapter 6 because chapter 7 was begging to be written. Again, I had no idea what I was going to write about, it just sort of happened. I'm still in shock about the turn my story has taken. Sorry if I've kind of thrown you all for a loop, I hope you don't hate me. Thanks.**

**Also, I want to thank twilight22lover, because she helped me get past some serious writers block by suggesting I try listening to 'Paramore'. I think the new sound helped me immensely. Seriously, I've been bubbling over with fresh ideas ever since. You rock Eliana!**


	7. Wish upon a star

**I own nothing.**

**Author's notes at the end of the chapter.**

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I fought the animal inside, fought it with everything I had, but I lost.

Before I phased, Embry got me outside. He could see my attempt at staying human was lost cause. He had to carry me because I didn't have it in me to walk while I was battling with the beast. I was only able to hold back long enough for us to reach a place where I wouldn't be seen. Right after Embry set me down, I exploded, ribbons of shredded clothing flying out in every direction. I took off running as fast I could in the direction of Emily's little home. Embry and Seth must have guessed where I was going and because it wasn't long before their thoughts mingled with mine.

_Leah stop! _

_Leah, don't do it, he'll kill you! _

_I. DON'T. CARE. _

I felt Embry trying to flood my mind, trying desperately to override my will, but it didn't work. While he was digging around my head, I could see everything in his - _everything_ - I wouldn't allow myself to be distracted, though.

The wish I wanted so desperately to come true, finally came true. I no longer loved Sam, I hated him - I hated him with every fiber of my being. I wanted to hurt Sam and I was willing to put my life on the line to do so. He treated me like I was nothing even when I was in his pack and he knew my true feelings for him. Sam was a bastard, Sam needed to die.

Suddenly a deafening howl ripped out of Seth when he sensed exactly what I was planning to do. He was trying to get Jacob's attention; to get him to phase. We all knew that Jacob was the only one who could order me to stand down, but it didn't matter, I was already standing outside Emily's home – bearing my teeth and growling, daring Sam to come out and fight me.

It was never a question as to _if_ he would come out, it was a question as to when and what form he'd be in. Sam emerged from the house in his human form. His hands were up and he was not meeting my gaze – showing me that he had no intention of fighting. His unwillingness to fight me only infuriated me further and I took a swipe at him, forcing his hand. Seconds later a black wolf was standing in front of me, ready to attack, bearing his teeth and growling. I could tell that he didn't think I was much of a threat and was just trying to frighten me, hoping he wouldn't have to hurt me.

Seth was getting antsy, not sure what was taking Jacob so long to phase and put a stop to my madness. Seth let out another howl, this time it was louder and much longer, it almost sounded like he was pleading for Jacob hurry up and stop me. I decided I couldn't hesitate any longer, once Jacob phased, he'd know everything and my window of opportunity would be gone.

I surprised Sam when I pounced. He no longer had control over me nor could he read my mind. For the first time, he was fighting blind and he was stupid enough to underestimate his opponent. The best part, the part that I savored most, is that I was faster. Sam's size was always formidable, but he was just too big to keep up with me. I attacked him with all I had in me, I held nothing back. I wanted to hurt his physical form, rip him to shreds on the outside, just as he had destroyed my heart and soul - I was determined to spill his blood.

I had Sam by the neck with my teeth, which were in a vice-like grip. Sam couldn't shake me off, couldn't get me to release him. It wasn't long before I tasted his blood. I increased the damage by sinking my claws into his thick hide and I raked them back and forth, shredding his skin; cutting him deep. Sam started whimpering, as if begging me to stop or telling me I was actually hurting him. Then he let out a thunderous howl, beckoning his pack.

_LEAH, STAND DOWN! I ORDER YOU TO STAND DOWN!_

That was Jacob. I never felt him phase, probably because I was already preoccupied, but I was bound by instinct to follow his order. It was the first time he ever ordered anyone to do anything in his pack and it was the worst possible time for him to do so. I was now powerless to protect myself from Sam. I was a sitting duck.

When I released Sam, I fell to the ground, belly-up. I was in a submissive position and Sam knew it. Sam knew I was being kept at bay by Jacob but that didn't stop him from attacking me. Sam didn't even hesitate to sink his teeth into my gut. The pain was so intense, I couldn't even think, every single one of my senses were suddenly working in over-drive; I was completely enveloped by the pain and I felt my brothers suffer with me. We were all powerless; paralyzed with pain – even Jacob.

I suddenly felt incredibly weak and somehow I phased back into my human form without even trying – which was a good thing for my brothers, as they would no longer have to share my pain. I heard the piercing scream of a woman and I thought it was coming from Emily, but it wasn't long before I realized the scream was coming from my very own mouth. I touched my abdomen with my hand and then I brought my hand up in my field of view. I thought it was raining when I felt wet drops hitting my face, then I realized it was my blood dripping off of my very own hand. I noticed Sam's naked form towering over me, covered with blood. I could see horror in his eyes; even he could not believe what he did to me.

When the pain became too much, I forced my mind to go to a different place so I would no longer feel. I thought of Embry, the thoughts he accidentally showed me when he was in my mind; how he felt about me. His feelings for me were stunning, so much more then what he professed them to be. He loved me more then his own life, I was precious to him; special. I choked out a little laugh when I realized that Jacob had told me the truth, Embry had enjoyed kissing me.

I turned my attention to the night sky. I noticed that the clouds from the day's storm had cleared and the heavens were open to me – the stars were beautiful and it seemed as if they were shining just for me, that they were my stars. Suddenly, a star shot across my sky so I closed my eyes and made a wish.

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**I'm writing so much because I need to know the end of Leah's story (just like the rest of you), by-the-way, this isn't it. There will be more. REVIEW!**

**A/N: It's weird but in my original outline, chapters 6 and 7 were completely different - Leah was going to say goodbye to Embry and runaway to friggin' Hawaii (I think that sounds_ really stupid_ now). I kept trying to write chapter 6 but for whatever things weren't falling into place. Finally, I decided to let go of my outline and chapter 6 sort of wrote itself - It literally took on a life of it's own. I realize it's shorter then my other chapters (and probably less edited) but after I typed it up, I was spazzing out about it and I wanted to post it. I couldn't stop writing after I posted chapter 6 because chapter 7 was begging to be written. Again, I had no idea what I was going to write about, it just sort of happened. I'm still in shock about the turn my story has taken. Sorry if I've kind of thrown you all for a loop, I hope you don't hate me. Thanks.**

**Also, I want to thank twilight22lover, because she helped me get past some serious writers block by suggesting I try listening to 'Paramore'. I think the new sound helped me immensely. Seriously, I've been bubbling over with fresh ideas ever since. You rock Eliana!**


	8. Standing up for Leah

**Hey everyone, this is from Embry's POV, just so you know. I tried to be all Stephenie Meyer-ish by putting his name up there but I didn't know if that was good enough. So yeah, 'Embry Call' is the narrator now.**

**Also, I own nothing.**

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**Embry Call**

Once Leah attacked Sam, Seth and I were powerless to do anything – whether it be to help her or stop her. Leah had challenged an Alpha and the moment that fight started, she was on her own. We were not at liberty to do anything because of another wolf instinct that forced us to stay the hell out of it.

We just watched, horrified from the sidelines, wondering where Jacob was and why he hadn't phased yet. When Jacob's thoughts were finally with ours, he gathered all the information but failed to think things through before ordering Leah to 'stand down'. Leah was left completely defenseless, although in Jacob's defense no one could have imagined Sam capable of attacking her the way he had. What Sam did was the equivalent of shooting a person in the back - it was a vicious and cowardly move.

All of us, Jacob, Seth, myself and even Quil – who had phased at that point and was on his way – shared in Leah's agony when Sam made his 'winning' blow. It wasn't until Leah phased back into her human form that we were able to function again, but we had no idea how badly she was injured at that point.

Sam had phased by the time I was able to get up and move around. He was standing over Leah, as if celebrating his triumph, although moments later I could see from the expression on his face something was horribly wrong. Then Sam had collapsed at Leah's side and he was staring at Leah's stomach.

I phased back into my human form and ran over to them. When I got there, I could see Leah was alive but she was covered in blood from head to toe, although some of it had to be Sam's, I was sure. Also, she wasn't responding to anything, she was just staring up at the sky, as though she were in a trance. "She's in shock." I told Sam. Then I followed his gaze and I took a good look at her abdomen. I could not believe what I saw, the damage Sam had inflicted upon her was quite extensive.

Sam looked up at me, clearly terrified. "She's not healing."

I looked at the wound again and saw that it was true, she wasn't healing. She just kept bleeding and pool of blood already surrounded her body. Leah made a sort of choking sound and closed her eyes soon after that. I felt her vitals and discovered she was still alive, but her body temperature had dropped drastically and her breathing was shallow.

"I need blankets and something to slow the bleeding!" I yelled.

An emotional Emily ran outside with a stack of blankets and some towels. I took a thick, folded towel and gently pressed it up against the massive wound, feeling like my effort was in vain. It didn't seem possible for anyone to recover from such an attack, but I still hoped. All my brothers – past and present – just stood around, frozen with shock. None of us had ever been injured so seriously, ever. Jacob was the only one to come close, but even then, that was just shattered bones. Bones heal as soon as they're set but a hole in the abdomen was a completely different story.

Quil was suddenly by my side, breaking my concentration. "Embry, Jacob is on his way with Dr. Cullen and one of his sons."

I nodded, and then turned to Sam, "You need to let your patrol know that a few of the Cullens will be crossing into our territory."

Sam didn't seem to hear me because he just sat there completely motionless. "Sam!" I yelled, trying to get him to snap out of it, although it didn't work.

"I'll do it." Jared said solemnly, as he ran back to the woods to phase.

Emily and Seth were the only ones functioning well enough to really help me; we started covering Leah's naked body with blankets, tucking them around her. We decided to leave her where she was until Dr. Cullen arrived, because we didn't want to cause any further damage. There was nothing more I could do for Leah so I held her hand, stroking it softly.

"I just wanted to teach her a lesson." Sam finally mumbled, as if trying to justify his attack on our completely defenseless sister.

"A lesson? Ripping someone's stomach open is 'a lesson'?" I tried to maintain my composure.

Sam looked at me, clearly wanting me to understand that he hadn't meant things to go so far. "She's out of control and you know that. Who attacks another person for asking questions!?"

That's when I lost my resolve to stay in control, "This wasn't about your idiotic questions, not exactly!" I yelled, knowing exactly what set her off - the straw that broke the camels back. "She just wanted to do the right thing, for everyone, to make it up to us – especially you and Emily, although she had an ulterior motive when it came to _you_. She needed closure, wanted to get over you and she didn't think she could until you were married! You keep putting off the wedding because of your financial problems, but every time it gets delayed, a small part of Leah still hopes it's because you're considering going back to her! She thinks that because she knows you still 'love' her in your own little way." I stopped, allowing my words to sink in.

I could hear Emily sobbing, obviously feeling guilty about the pain her cousin had been suffering at her expense. I could tell Sam wanted me to stop talking because my words were causing Emily sadness, but I wasn't going to stop - Emily needed to hear it. Emily needed to know what Sam had been shielding her from this whole time. Besides, what made Emily so damn special? Why did she get protection? No one protected Leah, no one really stood up for her - not since Harry died - she had to fend for herself.

I continued, "She thought if you had money, you'd finally get married. She hoped _that_ would put the final nail in the coffin and she'd be able to move on!" I was yelling in Sam's face, which normally wouldn't fly. "And you know what, even after all she's been through with you, she _still_ loved you! She wanted _you _to be happy, even if it meant that she had to be miserable. It's almost as though you were _her_ imprint but you rejected her!" I paused to see if any of my words were registering. "You've made her low, basically treating her like garbage, especially since she left your pack. The biggest reason she left is because being in your head was killing her. She was in hell! And tonight, she snapped because you didn't even have the decency to just believe what she was telling you, especially since she's never lied to you and you know it."

Sam wore a tortured expression, knowing every word I said was true, ashamed that he needed to be reminded. Then he looked me in my eyes and spoke quietly, "You love her."

"Yes, I do."

Sam nodded his head and dropped his gaze, "Me too."

I couldn't believe my ears. I fought my desire to phase and attack. Finally I said, "I don't think you know what _'real love'_ is, Sam."

My words enraged Sam. He was about to say something in return when Emily stepped in, calming him down.

"Jacob and the Cullens' are on our land and should be here any moment." Jared informed us quietly.

I checked Leah's vital signs again. She was still alive but just barely.

When Dr. Cullen arrived - literally only seconds later - with Edward and Jacob at his side, he had us carry Leah into Emily's house. Edward brought a massive box full of medical supplies and both he and Jacob started setting up an 'O.R.' of sorts in the bedroom. Dr. Cullen assessed the damage and his expression seemed grim.

"Can you help her?" I asked.

"I'll see what I can do. Her injuries and her loss of blood are quite extensive." He then turned to Seth "Speaking of, Seth do you know your blood type, if it's the same as Leah's?"

Seth shook his head, "I don't but my mom's a nurse and I think she knows - she's on her way."

The doctor nodded his head solemnly as he started washing up so he could work on Leah.

"What about our power to heal? Why isn't she healing?" Sam asked.

"It seems as though her body is trying to. Her blood has been clotting up at a level that is consistent with your kind but I don't think that sort of injury can heal on it's own. I'll see what I can do."

It turned out Seth matched Leah's blood-type so he gave a lot of blood to her, more then was humanly possible - it's a good thing he isn't completely human because he wouldn't have been able to give enough blood to help Leah otherwise. I was allowed to stay by Leah's side during the operation. The whole time I begged God to let her be okay. If she wouldn't - if Leah died - I thought about what I would do. At first I decided I'd get back at Sam by killing his precious Emily, but I knew I wasn't capable of such a deed.

All I knew was, I didn't want to live if Leah died.

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**Okay, reviews people. Too dark? Too dramatic? Not enough like Embry - does the narrator sound exactly like Leah? Too Romeo and Juliet-ish? What? I'm needing feedback because I don't want this to be over dramatic or lame. Is it lame? Damn, its totally lame isn't it? Give me the truth, I can totally handle it, I swear.**

**BTW, Sue Clearwater is actually a nurse - confirmed canon from Stephenie Meyer's website (check out 'Being Jacob Black' - I think that's what it's called - in the 'New Moon' extras.)**


	9. Family

**A/N: This is from Embry's POV.**

**Also, I own nothing.**

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**Embry Call**

Leah lived through the operation, but just barely. While the injury was extensive as far as flesh wounds go, it turned out all her internal organs were okay. It was the massive loss of blood that nearly killed her and consequently it was the reason her body was unable to heal. Once Leah received Seth's blood the color in her cheeks returned and her body temperature started to rise, although she did not regain consciousness.

Dr. Cullen took the time to inform everyone that things were looking better but Leah was still in critical condition because her blood pressure was still dangerously low. Everyone in Emily's tiny home was relieved to hear that Leah seemed to be doing okay, even the guys from Sam's pack. Seeing their reaction to Leah's condition reminded me that, regardless of pack loyalties, we were still connected to each other – we were still like family. I wondered how Leah would feel if she knew how many people really love and care about her. After all the trouble she caused, Leah considered herself a pariah and she was for the most part but she was still part of the family and now it was evident she always would be.

Sue surprised all of us when she walked over to Sam and slapped him across the face a few times. Obviously Sam didn't feel a thing, but Sue got her point across, nonetheless. Sue also balled Sam out in front of everyone, saying stuff like, "You're lucky she's doing okay because I would have killed you otherwise!" and, "How dare you hurt a woman, especially one that's so much smaller then you?" and then my personal favorite, "You should be neutered!" Sam took it like a man, in the sense that he let Sue have her say, besides you don't mess with Sue Clearwater, everyone knows that. I imagine it was strange for Sam to have both Clearwater women attack him in one night, as they both used to think he could do no wrong.

After Sue's outburst, most of Sam's pack said they needed to go home because of various reasons, although I'm sure they were uncomfortable after witnessing Sue Clearwater emasculate their Alpha. Once the place had just about cleared out, I realized that it was late and I needed to call my mom before she got in her car and went looking for me. Honestly, it's humiliating being the only older member of either pack that still has to report in every night. I left Leah's side, reluctantly, so I could make the call.

"Hey Emily, you mind if I use your phone?" I asked a forlorn looking Emily.

"Yeah sure. You probably have to call your mom, don't you."

"Yeah, I do."

"Hey Embry, I'll call her for you, okay." Emily kindly offered.

"Really? That would be great, actually." My mom loved Emily and if Emily made the call, she could probably get me off the hook for the rest of the night. "Thanks Emily, I really appreciate it." I said as I was about to return to Leah's side.

"Embry?"

I turned back to face Emily, "Yeah."

"I'm really glad that Leah has you." Emily said with hint of accusation in her tone. "Although, I have to admit, I never imagined you and Leah would get together."

"We're just…friends." I tried to assure her.

Emily gave me a knowing smile because she heard me admit I loved Leah. "Leah tried to tell me the same thing earlier today and I was dumb enough to believe her, but Embry, _you_ can't fool me."

"No really, we aren't together. I know I said that I love her but-."

"I see how you look at her." Emily interrupted my lame attempt to deflect her well-grounded suspicion. "You spend every moment of every day with her. You love her." Emily said, confident in her assessment.

_Aw hell, what's the point of denying something I already confirmed earlier tonight._ "I-I do. I really love her - I'm in love with her." I admitted to a smiling Emily, "But she doesn't know how she feels about me." I repeated what I accidentally discovered earlier in the night while rummaging around Leah's head. "But even if she did love me in return, we could never be together."

Emily gave me a questioning look, "Why not?"

"I don't want to hurt Leah. She couldn't handle it. Heck, it's obvious she still can't handle how things ended with Sam." Emily winced but I continued. "I couldn't break her heart like that, Emily. I love her too much."

"Oh…" Emily looked down at the ground, her cheeks bright pink with embarrassment.

Emily was sort of like my second mom, or a cool older sister and I didn't like that she was blaming herself for something that was clearly not her fault. "Look Emily, no one blames you, you know that right? _Leah_ doesn't blame you. It's not your fault that Sam imprinted on you. Imprinting is an instinct."

"I know Leah doesn't blame me, but it still doesn't help me feel better about the situation. Plus, I hate knowing what Sam and I have isn't real." Emily told me quietly.

"Emily, it is real. Sam loves you, he's devoted to you, and he would literally die for you." I assured Emily.

"Yeah, but it's not the same as how you feel for Leah. You love her because you choose to love her, not because your instinct forces you to. I know that Sam still wants Leah, that he's still in love with her, he still dreams about her. Sam chooses to love Leah, despite the imprint and I am so jealous of Leah because of that."

I scoffed, "You're jealous of Leah? If Leah heard you say that, she'd probably die laughing."

Emily gave me a weak smile, "I might have Sam's soul but Leah still has his heart." She said sadly.

I finally understood what she was getting at, Sam's heart did belong to Leah and everyone in both packs knew it, although it never occurred to me that Emily would know, let alone be jealous. "Emily, please believe me when I tell you that Sam really does love you. Sam's love for you is one hundred times stronger then how he feels for Leah. I know what I'm talking about and I wouldn't lie to you." I said with all the sincerity I could muster because I wanted Emily to feel at ease.

Emily nodded her head and looked up at me, "I believe you Embry."

"Good."

"I'm going to call your mom now, okay."

"Thanks Em." I said as I gave her a quick hug before returning to the bedroom.

When I got there I found Sam - of all people - sitting in my chair, holding Leah's hand. I glared at him and quietly walked to the opposite side of her bed and sat in the empty folding chair that was there. I fought the urge to reach out and strangle him. He had no business being in the same room with Leah let alone hold her hand. The worst part is that it was happening under Emily's roof, with Emily in the next room. The guy had some nerve.

Sam was the first to break the silence. "I heard what you told Emily." He said without looking at me.

"Yeah...and?"

"Thanks for telling her how I feel. I tell her the same thing every day but I think it means more coming from someone else, someone who has no reason to lie to her." he quietly murmured at me.

"Yeah, whatever. She's going to think I was lying to her if you don't get the hell out of here." I said angrily.

Sam gently caressed the back of Leah's hand one last time before letting go of it and then looked at me. "I need to speak to you."

"I think you've said enough." I said boldly, unaffected by his status as an Alpha.

"I have more to say."

"Fine. Go at it." I urged him to start talking because I couldn't wait for him to question me about my relationship with Leah so I could tell him it's really none of his damn business, even though he already overheard everything I just told Emily.

Sam leaned back in his chair and stuck his legs out, his heels resting on the floor. Then he rubbed his eyes, folded his arms across his chest, sighed heavily and finally looked me in the eye.

"My mom and I had a pretty long conversation the other day about some important stuff."Sam looked at me as if I would know the connection he was trying to make.

I had no idea what his mom had to do with the situation so I didn't say anything, I just defiantly returned his stare and shrugged.

Sam looked at the ground, "Yeah, well...she told me some stuff," He paused clearing his throat and shifted in his seat, "she told me some stuff about my dad."

I had no idea where Sam was taking things so I stayed silent.

"He didn't abandon us, like I always thought. It turns out that she kicked him out when I was a little kid because he really was a no good bastard. The thing is, she also told me something else." Sam didn't continue, he just sat there and I was left wondering if that was all he had to say.

"Yeah, and..."

Sam cleared his throat again, "And...my mom told me that my dad is your dad."

I wasn't sure if I heard him right, because I never expected to hear those words. "What?"

"We have the same dad." He said quietly before looking directly in my eyes again.

"How would your mom know?"

"She knew what he was up to. She told me that he admitted to the affair after she confronted him about her suspicions. He said it was a woman from the Makah tribe and admitted she was pregnant with his child." Sam said matter-of-factly.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I didn't want to believe it. Although, why would Sam and his mother lie about such a thing? It had to be true, or at least Sam's mom had to think it was true because she'd always been standoffish with my mom. "If your mom kicked him out, why didn't he move in with my mom?" I questioned him skeptically.

"She said he didn't want the responsibility of another family, or at least that's what she assumed."

"Why would my mom move down to La Push after he took off?"

"My mom always assumed it was so you could know me and be raised Quileute."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I think you deserve to know."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because...because you're my br-my brother." Sam told me, although the word 'brother' had a whole new meaning now and it sounded odd, almost foreign. "I'm proud of you. You've been Leah's friend and you stood up for her. You assured Emily of how much I love her even though you didn't have to."

"I didn't do those things for you."

"I know but that's not my point. You've been going around, undoing my damage because you're a good person."

"I did it because I love them." I said shrugging.

"I love them too but I keep hurting them."

I didn't know what to say, what could I say to that, 'yeah you're right, it looks like you inherited the asshole gene from our dad'? In the end I didn't say anything.

Sam stood up and held his hand out, wanting to shake hands. I thought about it for a moment, not sure if I wanted to shake his hand. I wasn't in the mood to write off his attack on Leah and I was feeling weird about the whole 'half-brothers' thing since it was something I still needed to question my mom about, although I didn't doubt it was the truth.

"I'm not going to shake your hand." I finally said.

Sam dropped his hand to the side, embarrassed. "Oh, that's cool. I understand."

"Look Sam, I appreciate you telling me, but I have to get used to it and I'm not okay with how you've treated Leah. You've egged her on by loving her when you didn't have a right to do so."

"You love her." Sam said as though I was just as guilty as he was.

"Yeah I do but there's a difference, I love her enough to not hurt her."

Sam looked at me as though I'd just punched him in the gut. "Embry, you have no idea of what it feels like to lose her."

"Neither do you, not really. The closest you've come is when she abandoned your pack but even then, she still loved you.

"I don't think she loves me anymore." Sam said quietly, almost mournfully.

"You're going to have to ask her about that, but I hope you're right."

Sam looked miserable when he said, "Me too."

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**More to come!**

**BTW, ****I love knowing that so many people are reading my story but I would appreciate more feedback. **

**Also, I would love to thank all my subscribers, without you people I wouldn't have a reason to keep writing this particular story. Thanks for subscribing, reading and commenting! **


	10. Clarity

**A/N: So we're back to Leah's prospective because writing from Embry's is just too draining for me. I'm not a guy so thinking like one is hard. BTW, I shoved the whole 'who's your daddy' reveal in the last chapter is because of the same reason. I knew I wanted to write that from Embry's prospective but I didn't have it in me to drag his POV out for another chapter. Lazy writing? Most likely.**

**I started the chapter off a little silly because there was far too much drama in the last four chapters. I needed to lighten the mood. **

**Also, I own nothing.**

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_Thirsty_. _Sooooo thirsty._

My tongue, my mouth, and my throat were all exceedingly parched. I was desperate for a large glass of water but I couldn't even ask for one, all I could do is make an occasional faint noise and it was exasperating. I tried moving, starting with my fingers, but it wasn't happening.

_Am I paralyzed? Crap! What if I'm paralyzed? Oh no, I'm totally paralyzed! _

"You aren't paralyzed, so simmer down 'Beavis'." a familiar voice said.

"Who are you talking to?" Seth asked.

"Leah's awake and she thinks she's paralyzed."

_Ahhh...Ed-d-d, how are yooou? So I'm not paralyzed? Awesome. I'll just open my eyes then. _

I tried lifting my eyelids but they were too damn heavy. I could only open them enough to see the tiniest bit of light but I was still unable to identify anything.

"She's awake?" Seth asked Edward.

"Yes and she's incredibly high." Edward answered.

Seth laughed, "I'm going to go tell everyone that she's awake." Seth said as he left the room.

"Leah, how do you feel, are you in any pain?"

_Hey Eddy. I feel gooood. Why do I feel so good? Why am I so thirsty? Why can't I talk? Why can't I move? Where am I?_

"You're at Emily's home. We had to intubate you for a period of time because you needed assistance breathing and consequently that's why your throat is dry. You can't move and you're tired because you have far too many drugs in you, for the pain. Speaking of which, they should be wearing off soon because of your high metabolism. Do you want more?"

_No more drugs thanks. I'm doin' fine. Hey Mr. Ed, what are we doing at Emily's place? _

"Could you please not call me that? We're at Emily's home because you got hurt, do you remember why?"

_Did I go completely insane, challenge Sam and lose?_

"That's what I was told."

_Dammit! I was hoping it was all just a horrible nightmare._

"Unfortunately it wasn't"

Just then I heard the sound of several people approaching, all of them speaking excitedly.

"She's still asleep." My mom said, probably because my eyes were still closed.

"Edward says she's awake."

"Yeah, she's definitely awake but she's groggy and high." Edward informed everyone.

_And I'm hella thirsty! Tell them that, Edward. Tell them that I'm hella thirsty.  
_

"She says she's thirsty."

"Can she have anything to drink yet?" Emily asked Edward.

"She could probably have some crushed ice but someone needs to feed it to her because she has virtually no muscle control right now."

"I'll go get her some." Emily said as a set of foot steps walked away..

_Crushed ice? Are you trying to torture me? I need at least a gallon of water to start out with!_

"Leah, you can't drink anything yet." Edward told me.

"Is she…_thinking_ at you?" My mom asked, clearly uncomfortable with the idea.

"Yes, she is."

"Weird."

_Not as weird as your relationship with Charlie Swan, Mom._

Edward laughed a little, "She doesn't ever stop being...herself, does she?"

"You're kidding right?"

_That was Quil. _

"Hell no!"

_Definitely Jacob._

"Rarely"

_Seth._

"Sometimes."

_…and that was Embry. _

"Here's some crushed ice." Emily said as she walked into the room. "Can someone else feed her? I've got to finish making lunch for all these hungry guys."

"I'll feed her. Here you go Leah." Mom said as she placed a few ice chips in my mouth. They evaporated the second they hit my tongue.

_Mr. Ed, could you tell her that's not enough! I need more! NOW!_

"She says that you gave her too many ice chips. Less next time, please."

_You. Are. The. Devil! As soon as all these drugs wear-off, I'm going to kill you, mark my words._

Edward chuckled softly.

"Leah would never say that, she's too greedy. If anything she wants more. Here Sue, I'll do it."

_W-T-F? Is that Sam??_

I forced my eyes open, because I needed to see if Sam was there. At first, all I could do was squint because my eyes needed to adjust to the bright light coming from the window. Once I could see, I realized I was surrounded by Jacob, Embry, Seth, Quil, my mom, Edward and _Sam_. I knew it was Sam because know his voice better then anyone's but I still couldn't believe he was standing there, offering to give me ice chips. I wondered if he was going to try to kill me. Embry must have seen the horror mixed with confusion on my face because he stepped in and grabbed the ice chips from my mom, "I'll do it." Embry said quite adamantly.

"Yeah, I need to go help Emily make lunch anyway." Sam said, quietly and he stepped out of the room.

"Leah is feeling a little tired and wants everyone to come back when she's fully awake and can talk."

_I didn't say that._

"Embry, she's still thirsty, could you continue to give her ice chips?"

"Sure."

Everyone including Edward left, which was weird because I was totally alone with Embry for the first time since we made out. The whole situation was awkward. I was propped up by a stack of pillows as Embry fed me ice and I had to work hard to not do anything gross, like drool. Embry didn't say anything for the longest time, he didn't even look me in the eyes, which just stressed me out. My anxiety level got worse as the drugs started wearing off. Before he broke the silence, I came to the conclusion that he was incredibly mad at me.

"I hope you don't mind but I asked Edward if I could be alone with you." Embry said in his usual voice, no anger present whatsoever.

Of course I always liked spending time with Embry since he was thoughtful and funny but now there was an eight-hundred pound gorilla in the room. Was he planning on ignoring it? I hoped he would because I didn't want to talk about 'us', although it's not like there was much to talk about.

"Here's some more ice." Embry said as he fed me another spoonful of ice chips. "So I bet you're wondering why Sam was just in here."

I raised my eyebrows in response.

Embry laughed softly, "Yeah, I don't get it either. I mean, you totally attacked the guy." Embry's dark brown eyes were shining; actually Embry was just beaming.

Embry leaned in and whispered, "You almost had him, you know. I think he was about to concede when Jacob…you know what, it doesn't matter, it's over. More ice?" he asked before shoveling more ice into my mouth. "Everyone's just really glad you're doing okay. _I'm_ glad you're okay." The intensity in Embry's eyes, when he said that last part, caused me to blush and I had to break eye contact with him.

Another spoonful of ice was poured into my mouth before Embry continued, "We almost lost you Lee. You almost died."

I knew how close I came to dying; Embry didn't have to tell me. I knew more then he could even imagine but it was just too much to think about so I forced it from my mind and focused entirely on Embry.

"Seth basically saved your life, well actually Dr. Cullen saved your life but Seth helped. He gave you a lot of blood. If I were you, I'd be nicer to him." Embry said as he gave me more ice. "Or at least just cut down on the ass-kickings, you know?"

I laughed a little but regretted it because it hurt my abdomen. Embry heard me wince and saw the agony on my face.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't joke around yet. Dr. Cullen said you'd probably be in pain for the next day or so, depending on how fast this sort of wound heals. Anyway, a lot of things have happened since you've been unconscious. Early this morning, we got an insanely strong windstorm and a massive tree fell over on Chief Swan's patrol car, completely smashing it like a pancake, but he wasn't in the car or anything."

I grinned from ear to ear but withheld my laughter. _That's what he gets…_

"I knew _that_ would make your day." Embry said as he gave me more ice and smiled at me. Something about what he said bothered me, didn't sit right. I know he didn't intend on making me feel bad but I still did. Normal people wouldn't get satisfaction out of such things nor would they become unhinged and attack people.

I cleared my throat and attempted to speak, "I'm pretty evil, aren't I?" my voice was raspy and weak but Embry could make out what I said.

"No, you just don't like Chief Swan scamming on your mom. It's totally understandable."

"I mean there's something the matter with _me_." I cleared my throat again, "I really did want to kill Sam, _you _know that."

"You wanted to hurt him, no doubt about that, but I don't think you really wanted to_ kill _Sam. I think you wanted to kill your feelings for him, put them to rest for once and for all, at least, that's how I see it."

"Don't turn this into a...metaphor or whatever it is that you're doing. Plus, I'm pretty sure I wanted to kill him."

Embry coaxed me to eat more ice, "Leah, ask yourself, did you really want to kill Sam? Did you really want him dead? I was in your head and I saw no such thing. I saw that you wanted to put an end to your pain; you wanted your attachment to him to end because it's been torturing you. You flipped out because you were desperate for freedom." Embry scrapped the remains of the ice chips out of the cup and spooned them into my mouth. "I'm going to get more ice chips, I'll be right back." Embry gave me a warm smile before leaving the room.

Embry was right, I didn't want to kill Sam, _not really_. I couldn't do that to Emily, to his pack or even to myself. Although, I did want to stop crying over him, I wanted to put a stop to the madness and I just wanted the pain to end. Love was causing me pain.

Sam and I used to have something special. Our love used to be beautiful; practically a living, breathing thing and it encompassed both of us; we were literally drowning in it. There was so much love between us, it didn't seem possible for it to ever run out, so we took it for granted. After Sam came back after disappearing for two weeks, things were different; he didn't trust himself around me and he didn't trust that I'd love monster he was. That's when he started pulling away but he didn't sever ties, he chose to love me from a distance.

I didn't know what was wrong with him but I believed my love could bring him back to me. I grabbed onto my new, different Sam and I held on for all I was worth because he was everything to me. When he saw I was fighting for him, for his love, he did come back to me because my determination showed him that I loved him unconditionally. It's strange but that whole experience just strengthend our relationship; solidified our love. We were sure we'd be together forever.

When Emily came to town, everything changed. I confronted Sam after I saw him giving Emily those looks, looks he never gave me - even while we were making love. Sam tried to spare me by breaking up with me but he couldn't, I wouldn't let him. Obviously, I had no way of knowing what had happened but I did know my Sam, knew he loved me because I could see it in his eyes. I _knew_ he still wanted me as much as I wanted him so I fought even harder instead of walking away. I was going to keep my Sam, come hell or high water.

It wasn't until after I first phased that I knew what happened, that I would never get Sam back. I also found out how hard Sam fought the imprint, but it wasn't any use, Sam never stood a chance. I still blamed Sam because I needed to blame someone for my loss - blaming something as intangible as 'magic' didn't cut it. Sam loved me enough to take the blame because it was all he could really offer me at that point. And so, that's when our love became something else, something ugly and draining but we still held on because…_why exactly? Why did we hang on? Out of habit? What?_

Deep down I knew the answer, I knew it all along. We held on because letting go would be acknowledging defeat. Sam and I hated to lose, we were both sore losers – ironically, that's the reason we were attracted to each other in the first place.

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**The whole super thirsty, dry throat, high on pain meds thing is from my experience after I had surgery. I tried begging for water but I couldn't even talk or move or open my eyes to see. It was horrible. It would have been nice to have a mind-reading vampire there to tell the stupid nurses to get me some damn water or ice chips.  
**

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	11. Under pressure

**I own nothing.**

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I spent the rest of the day at Emily's place which was uncomfortable for the most part, especially after the pain medication wore off completely and Embry went home to get some sleep. Sam never came back to see me again, which was completely appropriate considering what happened, although just knowing I was under the same roof as Sam gave me anxieties. I felt better after he left to go on patrol.

Emily visited with me after Sam left. Our conversation was awkward and strained, much like it had been the afternoon before but we both tried to make it work by being cordial. I thanked Emily for her hospitality and then apologized for attacking her Sam. Emily accepted my apology because that's just the way she she is. One might mistake Emily for a pushover but she really isn't, she's just understanding and forgiving - much like Embry. After she excused herself, I found myself wondering if I'd be the same way if I was lucky enough to have Sam for the rest of forever, but of course I forced the thought from my mind, if only for my sanity.

_All _of my brothers showed up to see how I was doing and to thank me for being bold enough to ask the Cullens for money. I was surprised that visiting with the guys was a highlight to my otherwise awkward day. I appreciated Sam for getting over himself and distributing the envelopes to his pack because all of my brothers were happy, full of hope and excited about the future. I got to share in their excitement as they told me what they planned on doing with their money. Of course, they all understood that they would have to spend their money discreetly so as not to attract unwanted attention. Most of the guys said they were planning on going to college but a few had planned on purchasing commercial fishing boats to start a business together. Quil said he planned to pay off the mortgage on his parents home, open a body shop and save the rest.

After Quil left, I finally realized that I was wearing one of Sam's tee-shirts, one of the ones I gave to him right before he imprinted on Emily. I purchased the tee-shirts for him because all of his other shirts started "mysteriously disappearing" or were just too small on his suddenly muscular build. The shirt I was wearing had been my absolute favorite because it had a superman insignia on it and looked incredibly hot on Sam's new body. Thinking about those last days with my Sam made me feel ill and I was about to rip the shirt off when someone knocked on the door. Thinking it was Embry, I absentmindedly tried running my fingers through my blood-encrusted hair. When I realized why I was doing what I was doing, I blushed in embarrassment before clearing my throat to invite him in.

"Come in Embry."

The door opened and I was surprised to see a bemused Jacob holding a large cup of ice chips.

"You've been expecting Embry?" He asked before he laughed knowingly.

I was sure my face was a violent shade of red by that point, "Oh, didn't expect you because I thought you left to spend time with Nessie and Embry said he'd be back around this time...so..."

"I did leave but I came back with Edward. He'll be in to check your blood pressure in a little bit. So, how is my Beta doing?"

"Better, I think."

"Are you in pain?"

"Not really."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Leah, don't pretend to be tough. Do you feel any pain?"

"I'm feeling better." I showed him my stomach, "See, it seems to be healing just fine although I can't laugh yet because it still hurts when I laugh."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Jacob walked over to my side, "So, do you need me to feed you any ice chips?"

"The drugs have worn off so I can feed myself but I'm allowed to have water now."

"I think you need ice." Jacob said as he quickly poured the contents of the cup down the back of the shirt I was wearing.

The sudden shock caused me to jump up and scream which triggered sharp pain in my abdomen. "What the hell is the matter with you Jacob!? That hurt!" I said as I clutched my stomach.

"What the hell is the matter with_ you, _Leah!?" Jacob asked furiously, a smile no longer present on his face. It was obvious he was still angry about what I did the night before.

Ashamed, I looked down, "I did something stupid."

"Ya think!?"

"Look, Jacob, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it, I just…I just should have left town earlier." I finished sheepishly.

"Maybe you should have. Dang Leah, I thought your days of pulling moronic stunts were over. "

Jacob's words stung because he was bringing up the first time I put myself at risk - something I didn't like talking about. I also felt horrible because I betrayed Jacob and my pack when I attacked Sam. Pulling the stunt I pulled could have caused some serious problems between the two packs. The only reason it didn't is because Sam didn't want to make it into a pack thing. I found out from Embry that Sam told his pack it was strictly between the two of us and they respected his wish on the matter.

I shrugged and looked down, "Fine, I'm an 'effing' moron. Happy now?"

"No, although it is nice to hear you admit that you're an 'effing' moron. I wish I had gotten that on tape for future reference." The anger left Jacob's voice. "Seriously though, why the trailer trash-style attack on Sam? He could have killed you."

I looked up at Jacob defiantly, "I was winning before you ordered me to 'stand down'."

"What was I supposed to do Leah? I phased into a completely chaotic situation. All I knew is that you were attacking Sam or planning on attacking Sam, but I wasn't sure which one it was. Either way, how was I supposed to know he'd go after you once you were submissive? By-the-way, have you been planning this attack for a while? I only ask because you requested that I not phase until you left town and that is the _only_ reason I didn't phase and stop you earlier."

"No, I wasn't planning it. It happened because I flipped out, okay."

"But, what exactly made you flip out? Why did you attack Sam?"

"What's it to you? It's not like you're best friends with the guy anymore. Plus, I'd rather not talk to you about it because you wouldn't understand."

"You think I don't understand? Can you not remember that I've been in your shoes before? The only difference between you and me is tha-"

I interrupted Jacob, "There are a lot of differences between our situations. First off, _you_ _imprinted_ in the eleventh hour and that's the _only_ reason you didn't go completely psychotic and massacre half a family. If it wasn't for imprinting, Edward, Bella, Rosalie_ and even_ Renesmee would have died that night. Imprinting saved all their asses!" I paused for a moment so my words could sink in. "Second, I was only after one person and it's not like I was really going to kill him so don't you dare tell me that you understand."

"Talk to me because I want to understand you. I want to understand why you flipped out, Leah."

I opened up to Jacob one time, before he imprinted, and it was nice because he really listened to me and we seemed to understand each other. I didn't want to talk to Jacob like that, not anymore. He wasn't the same guy, not since he imprinted. "I don't think I can talk to you about what's going on with me Jacob. You just wouldn't understand."

"Why wouldn't I understand?"

"You wouldn't understand because you're one of _them_ now. Imprinting ruined you and now you're a friggin' love zombie. You don't think for yourself anymore! Renesmee – a baby – owns your ass."

"Why are you anti-imprint all of a sudden? You're the one that wanted to imprint so badly. You wanted to forget about Sam, remember?"

"I remember what I said, but things are different now. By-the-way, I'm not anti-imprint 'all of a sudden'. I've been this way since the night you imprinted but you've been too wrapped up in all things Nessie to even notice. If you want to know what you've missed, let me sum it up for you: _I want to be normal_ and live a normal life with a normal guy that loves me and is with me because he chooses to be, not because he has no other choice! As far as I'm concerned, imprinting isn't love, imprinting is a joke!"

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? I don't know what I'm talking about? Jacob, I've been in the heads of all of my brothers – all of you! I know exactly what all of you were like before you imprinted. All of you had personalities, had spirit – _you especially_! Now look at you, you're a damn nanny for the hybrid! You're a joke! You're basically Bella's Bitch and you don't even know it! Yeah, imprinting sounds like a dream, sign me up…_not_!"

Jacob looked at me incredulously. He hated what I was saying but I could tell that on some level or other, he still sort of agreed with me. "You know what Leah, imprinting isn't the worst thing in the world," He stopped so he could dodge the alarm clock I threw at his head. "Let me finish!"

"Seriously Jacob, I don't want to hear how 'blissfully happy' you are now that you've imprinted on adorable little Nessie."

"I wasn't going to say that. I was going to say that imprinting is better then massacring half a family. And, sometimes I wonder if my imprinting instinct was triggered in order to protect the human half of Renesmee _and_ all of us – both of the packs and our families. If I had succeeded in murdering them that night, I would have been putting a lot of human lives in danger which is against our nature. We're here to protect human lives – that is our purpose."

After Jacob finished, I looked into his eyes and saw his sincerity. "You accepted the imprint out of duty? Is that why you never fought it like Sam did?"

Jacob sighed, "For the most part, I think that is why I never fought it, although I was sick of being miserable over Bella; I just wanted to move on which gave me enough motivation to embrace it. Even then, I didn't have someone who loved me like you love Sam. If things had been different, perhaps I would have fought it, too."

I nodded, letting Jacob know that I finally understood, "You said 'love', you used the present tense. I don't love Sam anymore."

"Edward told me you do." Jacob said solemnly.

_Stupid vampire! What are you, 'big brother'?. I just want you to know that you're officially back to 'mind rapist'!_

"I'm sorry, he told you what?"

"He said that you figured out that you still love Sam and he mentioned something about you not wanting to 'lose'. So what, is this some sort of staring contest you've got going on with Sam? Neither of you want to give up out of principle? What?"

My stomach flipped when Jacob used the word 'neither', "What do you mean when you say, 'neither' of us want to give up?"

Jacob rolled his eyes up at the ceiling and signed heavily. "You two are _so_ messed up! You just about killed each other yesterday and you _still_ love each other in ways that you shouldn't. Edward says things are like a damn soap opera around here, what with Embry being Sam's half-brother, Emily being jealous of you and all the crap that's going on between you and Embry."

I was ashamed by the joy that radiated through me when I heard that Sam still loved me and I was in the middle of reproaching myself when something else Jacob said unlocked a memory that had been hiding just beneath the surface, "What did you just say? Embry is Sam's half-brother? Are you serious?"

Jacob looked surprised by my questions, "Embry didn't tell you?"

"No, he didn't tell me but now that you mention it, I could swear I had a dream about Embry and Sam being brothers."

"Really? When?"

"Last night, I think."

"That's weird, but you know what, Embry told me that Sam told him all about it when they were in here, with you. Maybe you weren't completely 'out' so you overheard them and just thought you were dreaming."

I scowled and shrugged my shoulders, "Yeah, I guess so."

"Well anyway, Edward and I are going to have to leave again soon. He should be here in a moment to take your blood pressure. By-the-way, Carlisle told us that you can go home anytime, so long as you're feeling better. We'll drop you off on your way out of town, if you want."

I sighed in relief, "Hot damn! Jacob, I could kiss you!"

"Oh, I wouldn't be celebrating if I were you."

"Why?"

Just as Jacob was about to answer, there was another knock at the door, "Are you done interrogating her?" it was Edward.

"Yeah he is but you already knew that, Ed-tard."

"The nicknames are going to have to stop." Edward said dryly as he stepped inside the room.

"You know what else needs to stop? You're going to have to stop listening in on my thoughts and telling Jacob all about them, that's an invasion of privacy." I said as I jabbed my finger into the middle of his rock hard chest.

Jacob looked at me and laughed, "Look Clearwater, you're still my second and I need to know what's going on in that dysfunctional little brain of yours, especially now, I can't have you attacking anyone else. Just so you know, I've decided that you need to stick around here for a little while longer. You can't leave until you go a solid period of time without phasing."

I couldn't believe my ears. It had to be some sort of sick joke, I was sure although, Jacob didn't look like he was joking and neither did Edward. "Why?"

"Because, I need to know if you're capable of keeping control of yourself. We can't have you going out into the world and attacking innocent people because they piss you off."

"How long?" I said in a strangled voice because I was forcing myself to stay in control.

"Three to Six months, maybe more, depending on your mental well-being. The good news is, you and Edward will be spending more time together." Jacob tussled my hair with his fingers.

"You've got to be kidding me!" I said in complete disbelief.

"No, he's not." Edward informed me.

"And, just so you know, I'm ordering you to stay in the area until Edward says you're mentally stable."

"Which means, I'll never get to leave! I'm never going to get better if I have to stay in La Push!"

"I've got a PhD in psychology, I'm going to help you get better."

I was horrified, "You mean I have to talk to you about my feelings?"

Edward smiled, "Or think them at me, whichever you prefer."

"No! No! No way! It's not happening!"

"You _will_ do this if you really want to leave. Oh, and Alice is going to teach you how to meditate."

"Spazzy? She knows how to sit still for more then five seconds? Really?"

"Yes. She's quite good at it. You'll be pleased to know that she's really excited to spend more time with you." Edward informed me with a smirk plastered across his stupid, _stupid_ face.

"Fine, whatever! I'll do anything to get the hell out of La Push."

"Good girl." Jacob said to me before turning to Edward. "Speaking of getting the hell out of here, Edward can you take her blood pressure so we can finally leave?"

I grudgingly held my arm out to Edward and he adjusted the cuff on my upper arm but didn't use a stethoscope like a normal doctor would. I found out earlier in the day the freak could actually hear my heart beat with his own ears.

Edward laughed after he was done taking my blood pressure and said, "Her blood pressure is sky high."

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**A/N: This chapter was a turning point of sorts, at least for me. I spent the last week debating whether or not I wanted to wrap this up soon. I've decided that I don't want to wrap it up soon because there is so much that I want to go into, to explore, in Leah's story. Plus, I like writing this story far too much to give it a rushed ending. I sincerely hope that everyone enjoys reading it as much as I enjoy writing it. Anyway, I just wanted you all to know that I'm in this for the long haul and I intend to keep things interesting!**

_**Spoiler Alert!! I've received a few questions about Embry, if he will turn up in the storyline sometime soon. He totally will! CALLWATER ACTION IS SO GOING TO HAPPEN SOON!**_

**I do appreciate all my old and new subscribers! I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read what I write. Your reviews and private messages have really made a difference! Thank you!**


	12. Do over

**I own nothing.**

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My breathing became rapid to the point where I was hyperventilating, "Don't tell me I'm going to have to stay here tonight." My heart was racing and I was freaking out. "If I have to stay here for another minute, I swear I will go psychotic again."

Jacob smiled mischievously, "Don't worry, we're taking you home. We wouldn't want to inconvenience Emily any longer, poor thing. I can't imagine how difficult it is for her, having you around."

I closed my eyes, held my breath, counted to ten and exhaled slowly. I did it a few times, trying desperately to control myself. _JUST BREATHE!_ I had to force myself to focus on my breathing because I was dangerously close to phasing. I knew that attacking Jacob would completely ruin my chances of ever leaving La Push.

"Jacob, leave her alone, she's telling the truth. There's no reason to keep pushing her anymore. I have all the information I need." Edward informed Jacob.

I was furious, "Pushing me? Were you intentionally pushing me to my limit?"

Edward looked a little guilty, "I need to get an idea of exactly what triggers your anger, what your absolute limit is and what your coping mechanisms are – whether or not they are effective. I need this information so I might help you."

I lunged at Edward, with the intent of doing hell-knows-what to him, when Jacob grabbed me to keep me at bay.

"Let. Me. At. Him." I struggled to get free of Jacob's grasp so I could hurl myself at Edward.

"Leah, calm down." Jacob insisted, "Remember what I told you yesterday, when we were saying goodbye? I said, 'I hope you find peace', remember? I meant what I said. You aren't going to find peace by running away. You need help and Edward can help you."

"Leah, what do you think you'll accomplish by attacking me?" Edward questioned me sincerely.

I stopped fighting Jacob's hold on me, "So what, you're already shrinking my brain?" I held my hand over Jacob's mouth "and, shut up Jacob, I don't need any snide comments about how my brain is already 'too small'."

Jacob was laughing, "You sure _you_ can't read minds, too?"

"Ha! ha! ha! _Shut up_!"

Edward ignored our child-like behavior, "I've been analyzing you, on and off, since you regained consciousness - at Jacob's request of course."

"Isn't there some sort of doctor-patient confidentiality policy that says anything I tell you is strictly…what is the word…oh yeah, _CONFIDENTIAL_? If I promise to take this seriously, you can't be telling Jacob anything."

Edward held his hand out, "It's a deal."

Wanting him to understand that I was serious, I returned the gesture and shook his hand. "It's a deal."

Jacob clapped his hands together, one time. "Okay then, let's get you home."

"What about Embry?" I asked without thinking.

"What about him?"

"He should be on his way."

Edward and Jacob exchanged an amused glance, "He got here just as we did and I ended up sending him home." Jacob informed me.

"Oh, okay. Let's go then."

I had to go home in Sam's shirt because I didn't have any other option, all of Emily's blankets were soaking in her tub because she was trying to get my blood out, or in the garbage because they were too soaked with blood. I couldn't wear anything of hers because it would be ridiculously small on me. Part of me wondered if it was another test and my thoughts were being analyzed. Edward seemed amused by my inner dialogue; all the thoughts that were bouncing around my confused head.

The minute long drive to my house seemed like an eternity and I was relieved to get out of the car and get inside the house, away from Jacob and his new 'best friend forever' - Edward. I knew it wouldn't be long before I was out of Edward's range; before he wouldn't be able to read my thoughts.

Seth was home, talking on the phone to a girl, asking her questions that were incredibly inappropriate – the kid was practically having phone sex! I walked up to Seth and smacked him upside the head because it's what Dad would have done. "Hey perve, treat girls with respect!" I hissed.

Seth gave me the stink-eye, "Hey, let me call you back…okay...me too…bye." Seth hung up the phone. "Damn Leah, what was that about?"

"Don't talk dirty to girls."

"She started it."

"Probably because she felt like it was the only thing that would get your attention. Would you have given her attention otherwise?"

Seth shook his head sheepishly, "No, probably not."

"Exactly, which means you don't respect her. Once you use her for your own selfish purposes, you'll toss her aside like an old shoe. Don't mess with girls emotions like that. If Dad were here he would beat the tar out of you."

Seth was smart enough to keep his mouth shut as I walked away from him.

I went straight to my room, took Sam's shirt off and threw it in the box full of stuff I had planned burning the night before – ironically it would have been around the same time I ended up attacking Sam. The box contained mementos from my relationship with Sam – pictures, dried roses, the perfume that used to drive him wild, cards, gifts, old movie ticket stubs, stuff he left over at my house by accident, and even my prom dress.

I looked at the time and saw that it was eight o'clock, a fact that almost amused me. Twenty-four hours previously, I was so close to freedom. If I had just gone back to sleep or stayed in the shower longer or even had the balls to hang up on Sam without even speaking to him – I'd be long gone by now. It was amazing what could happen in twenty-four short hours.

I wrapped my towel around my body and headed down the hall so I could shower. I stayed in for a while, shampooed my hair a few times, making sure all the encrusted blood was gone.

When I got out of the shower, I inspected my stomach in the mirror. I was completely healed, not even a scar was left behind. It was as if it never happened.

_If only it hadn't happened, if only I could do it over again_, I thought bitterly before forcing myself to forget about the past and focus on the future. I thought about what I could do to get rid of my unhealthy Sam obsession. Obviously I would have to work with Edward, that was unavoidable, but I wondered what I could do personally to help exercise my demons.

I came up with an idea. While I didn't have the power to turn back time, I could definitely do what I should have done the night before. I could still go out to the cliffs and burn the box of stuff. I decided not to burn the stupid shirt because Emily knew I had it – I was going to wash it and have mom return it because I didn't want Emily to think that I was caressing it and smelling it all the damn time.

I got dressed and walked out into the night with the box and a lighter. The sky was cloudless and beautiful and I marveled at it as I made my way toward the cliffs. I was excited to get rid of all the mementos that were painful to look at, confident that once I did burn them I would feel much better. I thought about making a ceremony of it, if I should burn each item separately or just light everything on fire all at once. I decided on the latter because it would be easier that way. There were things in the box that I knew in my heart of hearts I didn't want to burn and if I looked at them, I would only be making it harder for myself.

I arrived at the fire pit where the pack meetings were held with the Elders and emptied the contents of the box into it. When I did so, an unopened bottle of peppermint schnapps fell out and until that moment, I forgot it even existed. I acquired it right before my father passed away. After Sam left me, I started drinking. I was quite good at keeping the habit a secret because I never got too drunk and even if someone had suspected, my breath was minty fresh smelling. If it hadn't been for Sam ordering me to stop drinking (a habit which disgusted him) after he discovered my secret the night I phased for the first time, I would have emptied the bottle long ago.

Picking up the bottle, I contemplated drinking it and smiled. I opened it and smelled the contents of the bottle, remembering the way it burned on the way down. It would have been so easy to take that drink, to drown my sorrows and I almost did. Instead of drinking it, I dumped it on the pile of stuff that represented my past. I even made a fuse of sorts by trailing the alcohol away from the pit a little ways. Before taking my lighter to it, I laughed out loud knowing it was going to be a kick-ass bonfire.

"Goodbye Sam." I whispered as I lit the alcohol fuse on fire.

It _was_ a kick-ass bonfire – beautiful, even. It exploded at first, burned hot and wild, not unlike my relationship with Sam. Most of the stuff was paper so little bits of glowing cinder were flying everywhere and made it look like little fairies were dancing in the wind. I actually felt magical and powerful for the first time, ever.

When the fire burned out, I collapsed on the ground and looked up at the sky. I wondered if I was doing the same thing, exactly twenty four hours previously. The stars were sparkling brightly, exactly as they had the night before, as if just for me. I thought of the wish I made then, if the stars would favor me enough to make it come true. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard someone approaching.

"Leah? Is that you?"

I sat up quickly, "Embry?"

"Yeah it's me. I knew that was your scent in the wind. What are you doing here?" He said as he approached me.

I stood up and brushed myself off, "Just taking care of some unfinished business. What are you doing here?"

Embry smiled, "I was taking a walk and I saw the fire. So I just…walked up here to see what was going on."

"Oh…" I trailed off. I was surprised at how self conscious I suddenly felt in Embry's presence. It was the first time, without heavy pain medication messing with my head, that we were alone since I discovered exactly how Embry felt about me.

His smile, lit by the faint glow from the remains of the fire, left me speechless. My heart fluttered when the complete memory of Embry's true feelings flashed to the front of my mind. The feelings were so intense, so passionate yet so gentle and loving, I flushed at the thought of them. The fact that we were alone under a beautiful night sky and me wanting to chase Sam from my life completely - knowing Embry's amazing kisses and his gentle touch would most definitely help - didn't help matters much. I avoided eye contact and had to focus so my breathing wouldn't become erratic.

"So, shouldn't you be home resting or something?"

"I-I guess so. I should probably get going." I murmured as I started shuffling away.

"I'll walk with you; make sure you get home in one piece." He laughed casually as he fell instep next to me. He was acting normal as if the past forty-eight hours never happened.

I was baffled that he was able to keep such a straight face and act normal – I was about to tackle him. I had to fight the urge to pounce while images of me doing so kept flashing through my mind.

"Um…sure." I kicked myself for my awkward manner. I searched my mind for something to say, anything. "It turns out I'm not going to leave La Push, at least not for a while." I finished.

"Really? That's…good." The way he answered betrayed his attempt at being nonchalant. The tone in his voice, the inflection, his hesitation told me everything I needed to know. He wasn't as calm, cool and collected as I thought he was. He was really happy I was staying, I was sure.

"Yeah."

"So what changed your mind? I figured you'd want to get out of here as soon as you healed."

"Um…Jacob has ordered me to stay for a little while, until I get my shit together, ya know." I was horrified that I not only told him the truth – that I was only staying because I had to - but I also used the word 'shit' in the same sentence. I never had a problem swearing in front of the guy when I was 'one of the guys' but now it just felt weird since it was clear he didn't think of me as 'one of the guys'.

"Sucks that you have to put off your plans but…I don't know…it will be cool to hang out more." My whole body tingled when Embry playfully bumped his shoulder into mine.

I closed my eyes and exhaled, "Yeah that will be cool."

My words were followed by another period of silence as we continued to walk. During that time, I was trying to figure out my exact feelings for him. I clearly liked the guy, I liked him a lot. I was definitely attracted to him and I most definitely wanted to be in his arms again but I knew those feelings didn't equate to love - I was glad for that because I couldn't handle love, at least not _love_-love. I decided I was smitten. I could handle smitten. Smitten sounds cute, innocent and adorable and while my current thoughts about Embry weren't exactly innocent, our relationship was. The best part was, I was pretty sure I couldn't get hurt.

_I am officially smitten with Embry Call. _

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** A/N: I know everyone wants some serious 'Callwater' action and I plan on delivering it. Sorry I don't provide more of it every chapter but I don't want to be all 'in your face' about it. Also, this is only rated T, which means I'm not going to describe anything in graphic detail, I plan on writing their interactions tastefully. I also can't promise that the Embry/Leah relationship will be featured in every chapter. I'm trying to be true to my storyline but keep everyone interested as well. **

**Spoiler: 'Callwater' is the main focus of chapter 13.**

**It's nice to know that so many people are reading my story but I'd really appreciate more reviews, thanks.**

**Seriously though folks, all you need to do is click that little button down there and type the words, "Hated it", "Loved it.", "It sucked ass", "It rocked", "Have you ever considered the possibility that Leah and Embry are actually siblings?" (BTW, the answer is, 'EW! No!'), or any other review or question that you might have. I'm going to try answering questions at the end of all my chapters. I love the feed back because it lets me know if my writing is improving. I love you people. - Leiaaa****  
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	13. SCENTS and Sensibility

**I own nothing.**

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Once I found a non-threatening word to best describe how I felt about Embry, I started feeling a little less awkward and I calmed down a little. Embry had me laughing not long after that, which broke the ice and made things comfortable again. We got to my house but I didn't go in because Charlie Swan was there. I was incredibly hungry so we ended up going to Embry's house to get some food. Embry said he didn't want to stay because his mom's bible study group was over, which was the reason he was out walking in the first place. After slapping together five sandwiches (each) and grabbing a few sodas, we decided we would eat at first beach. Embry even grabbed a thick wool blanket for us to sit on while we ate - something 'normal' people would do.

We both inhaled our food and started chatting again, mostly about nothing in particular, avoiding anything that had happened in the previous 48 hours, because it would have been a mood killer. I didn't even ask him about Sam being his half-brother, even though I really wanted to, because I decided to let him bring it up in his own time.

I lay back on the blanket and looked up at the stars. My eyes followed the Milky Way from one side of the sky to the other. "Aren't the stars beautiful?"

Embry leaned back on his elbows, tilted his head back and looked up. "Yeah, they are." He agreed.

"My dad used to take me and Seth stargazing but I stopped going with them when I started dating Sam." I admitted as I thought of all the nights, years previous, when Dad would drag us outside when the sky was clear. "During the winter months, he'd bring a thermos of hot cocoa and a few blankets to wrap ourselves in". I smiled as I recalled the memories.

"That's Cassiopeia," I pointed out the constellation that my father used to point out every time because it was visible year-round, "But, my Dad used to call it 'The Elkskin', because of the Quileute legend of the five brothers." I thought of my father's voice, the intonation he would use when telling us that particular story. "And, there," I said while pointing out another group of stars, "That's Orion, the hunter. See it?" I looked over at Embry and he nodded. "And there's Taurus, the bull."

"I think it's cool that your Dad spent so much time with you guys. You're really lucky, you know."

Embarrassed, I sat up quickly and looked over at him apologetically, "Oh, Embry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…_flaunt_ the fact that…I mean, I keep forgetting that you-"

Embry cut me off, "No, don't be sorry. I didn't say that to make you feel bad. Your Dad was a really cool guy. I know how close you were to him and I know that you miss him a lot."

"Yeah…" I trailed off, not sure what to say.

"You know, don't you?"

"Know what?"

"Know about Sam and me being…related."

"Um…yeah. Jacob mentioned it but he thought I already knew. He thought you already told me."

"About that," Embry sat up and looked over at me through the darkness, "I meant to tell you but it's just weird, you know. Besides, I still need to talk to my Mom about it, to make sure it's true."

"You mean, you don't know if it's true?"

"Sam's Mom seems to think it is and, from what Sam says, she has some pretty good reasons as to why. I was planning to talk to my Mom about it tonight, after her bible group takes off, which should be any minute now."

"Oh, I should let you go so you can talk to her."

"Naw, I'm not feeling up to it right now. I know my Mom's not going to be forthcoming, she's evaded my questions on the subject my whole life. I'll talk to her about it later. Besides, I'd rather be here, with you."

I blushed and tried desperately to find something to say in response.

_Think Leah, THINK! Say something witty and original, perhaps something like,'Who wouldn't?' No, that just sounds conceited and lame. How about, 'What's wrong with you?' No, that sounds pathetic, not funny. What about, 'Thanks'?_

I decided on the last one, even though it wasn't original or witty, "Thanks, Embry."

Embry reached for my hand and held it. I wasn't exactly shocked that he did it, because I know how he feels about me but at the same time, I didn't expect it to actually happen. Instead of freaking out and analyzing the situation I stopped thinking and focused on what I was feeling.

It felt really nice - holding Embry's hand – much better then nice, actually. Our hands fit together perfectly and his hand was so warm but not clammy or sweaty. We didn't speak to each other but Embry would squeeze my hand every few minutes and I would give him a quick squeeze back, it was almost as if we were having a conversation without talking. It was a major turn on for me, which is pretty embarrassing, being a twenty year-old that gets turned on by holding hands. But it wasn't 'just holding hands', it was the gentle intimacy of the whole experience that drove me wild. Just touching him, being in close proximity with him, smelling him, being alone with him in the dark with the sound of waves in the background all the while remembering exactly how his kisses felt – the combination of all those things, gave me goose pimples and just about caused me to pounce on him. In order to control myself, I broke the spell and started talking about the first thing that popped into my mind.

"Hey Embry?" My voice came out sounding breathy, which was pretty embarrassing seeing as I wasn't meaning to sound like a seductress. I wanted to kick myself for talking before gaining composure.

"Yeah," His voice was deeper, very sexy sounding.

I cleared my throat and tried to talk normal "Um…you mentioned earlier that you smelled me, over at the cliffs."

"I did."

"This is sort of a weird question but, please humor me. What do I smell like?"

He laughed gently and gave my hand another squeeze, "That depends."

"On what?"

"It depends on who you ask. None of us could agree on what you smell like."

"Yeah, what the hell is that all about? None of you guys seemed to relate my smell to anything that made sense. Jared used to say I smelled like, 'crazy', which isn't even possible. Paul said that I smelled like 'bitch' which I guess is possible since I technically am one, but it still doesn't give me a point of reference, unless I smell like a wet dog or something. Do I smell like a wet dog?"

Embry was laughing, "Paul and Jared are stupid assholes."

"Yeah they are." I agreed, finally laughing.

"But seriously, you don't smell like 'wet dog', not even close."

"Then what do I smell like?"

Embry leaned over and smelled my hair, "You smell like campfire." He said before continuing to laugh.

I softly socked Embry with my free hand, "I know I smell like a campfire right now but what do I usually smell like?"

Embry stopped laughing and became his regular thoughtful self, "You smell like…like…Leah." He shrugged.

"Gee thanks Embry, I smell like 'Leah', you've been helpful." I said dryly.

"No I mean it, you smell like…_you_. You smell like nothing I've ever smelled before. There really isn't a way to describe how you smell. Your scent is a combination of things."

"Besides 'Leah', what would you say I smell like? Is there something in this world that I sort of smell like, even just a little?"

Embry thought about it for a moment, "Let me smell you again." He said as he leaned over to me, this time smelling my neck for a long time, taking several deep breaths and exhaling on my neck. The whole experience was incredibly sexy and I could swear he was intentionally trying to tease me.

Feeling light headed, I moved away, "Okay, you've smelled me, now what do I smell like?"

"You smell like 'springtime'."

"Could you get any more vague?" I questioned sarcastically.

"Like I said, you're a combination of smells. You smell like flowers, leaves, and a bunch of other stuff, including rain."

"So, like 'wet dog'?"

"No, I already said you don't smell like a wet dog. You don't even smell like a dog. You smell fresh, new and clean like in the springtime, after it rains. You smell really good, like 'springtime'." Embry finished sincerely and smiled.

I was speechless for a few reasons. First off, his description was really sweet and it caused me to melt. Seriously, I'm shocked too, Leah Clearwater's heart melted – like, all-over-the-floor-making-a-huge-mess, melted. Plus, I didn't expect the answer I got. I looked into his eyes and found my voice, "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks Embry. I've been wondering what I smell like for a while now." I added truthfully.

"You're welcome. Now, what do I smell like?"

I grinned at him, "Let me smell you." I already knew what he smelled like but now it was my turn to tease. I got up on my knees and leaned over to smell his neck. When I breathed in his scent, that giddy feeling returned and my mouth literally started watering. If I hadn't known better, I would swear the guy was still teasing me.

Continuing to smell him, I whispered "Um…you smell like…" I sniffed again, "you smell like…" I intentionally, yet lightly, grazed my lips against his neck and he gave an involuntary tremor "you smell like…good." I murmured before finally pulling away from him. Meeting his gaze, I spoke in a velvety tone,"You smell like, 'good'. You smell really good."

Embry swallowed.

"Wow, it's late, I should probably go." I said casually, as I climbed to my feet. Once standing, I offered Embry my hand and smirked. "You coming with?" I asked him innocently.

Embry's face went from super confused to complete recognition in less then a second. Smiling, he grabbed my hand and pulled me down. Before I knew it I was on top of him, his hands on my hips. "Hey." I greeted him before biting my lower lip.

"You're such a tease." His voice was husky and he was smiling wickedly.

I raised my eyebrows "I'm the tease? Excuse me, Mr. 'Let-me-smell-you-for-an-obscene-amount-of-time'."

"That was fun because you smell like 'good', too."

I lowered my lips to his face. Embry shut his eyes in anticipation but I didn't kiss him, I let my lips hover an inch or so from his. After about 5 seconds, his eyes opened because he was clearly not sure what was going on and I started laughing hysterically. "Gotcha."

Embry started laughing too but started sitting up and sat me next to him. "Fine don't kiss me. It's probably just as well because we shouldn't do this." He ended soberly.

"Are you kidding?"

"No, I'm not. There is a reason I stopped things the other night and you know why that is." He eluded to the fact that he knew that I knew about how he felt.

Embarrassed, I looked down, "Oh yeah, that...sorry...I didn't do that on purpose. I was really tired and almost completely asleep..."

"It's cool. I'm the moron that made assumptions. How were you supposed to know what I was about to say?" Embry said, clearly embarrassed as well.

"So where does this leave us? What I mean is, I'll be here even longer then I planned so, how are we going to treat this?"

"I don't know, it's not like we can go back."

"I don't know about that. I mean, yeah we can't go back completely but we can still be friends, right?"

"Yeah, we can be friends. Do you think it'll be weird?"

"Probably at first but I don't mind a little weirdness. I like hanging out with you. Plus, it can't possibly get more awkward then it is right this second, right?"

"Yeah, we've already survived a lot of awkwardness already, haven't we. I mean, we've seen each other naked several times, that was always awkward."

"Okay, I was wrong, _NOW_ things are more awkward then they were just a second ago." I started laughing.

Embry started laughing. "This is awkward, isn't it?"

"Hella awkward." I admitted through my laughter.

"I probably should get going now, it really is getting late." Embry started to get up.

"Oh yeah, I should get going too. Charlie is probably gone by now anyway." I got to my feet, grabbed the blanket and folded it. "Here you go. Thanks for hanging out with me and feeding me tonight."

"Anytime. By-the-way, I'm on patrol tomorrow night but I'll drop by your place the day after with some pizzas and some DVDs."

I smiled, "There better not be any vile anchovies on the pizzas because I will kick your ass if there are. And you best not try bringing any romantic comedies. Action films only, the more 'murdery' the better!"

"You are the world's coolest chick."

"I know I'm cool although I told you to never call me a chick you jackass!"

Embry rolled his eyes, "Alright, you're the world's coolest bitch!" He recited the name I ended up embracing after I became Jacob's beta. I mean, I was a bitch, after all, I didn't care if they called me it anymore.

I smiled, "You got that right! See you in a few days, Embry."

Embry smiled back, "See you later."

I started walking toward my home feeling strangely happy. Even though I was pretty disappointed that I didn't get another make-out session with Embry, I was glad that things are going to be cool between the two of us. Without Embry's friendship I won't be able to handle being on the rez, working with the mind-rapist until hell knows when. I knew we'd be able to get through the weird awkwardness. Besides, It would be weird if we tried taking our relationship to the next level knowing that it was a dead end - I wasn't even 'in love' with Embry and it was only a matter of time before he imprinted on some baby anyway.

A few blocks from my house I heard something rustling in the nearby trees, even before I can react, someone jumped out and grabbed me from behind.

I started struggling,"What the hell!?"

"I love that you can be so gullible sometimes." Embry said as he laughed.

I stopped fighting as I realized exactly what was going on. Embry let go of me as I turned around to face him.

My knees just about buckled when our eyes met.

Embry smiled at me, his hands found my hips and he slowly drew me to his body. "Hey." He greeted me.

His gentle manner did the same thing for me as it did two nights previously. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, "You_ are _a jackass." I mumured at him. "...a jackass that smells like 'good'." I admitted, laughing quietly.

This time Embry went in for the kill, lowering his lips to mine, just barely grazing them against my lips. Then he whispered in my ear "You smell better." he proceeded to nibble on my lobe making me shiver. Embry liked my reaction and had fun nibbling on my neck until I shivered again. Every nerve in my body was working in over time by the time Embry's lips enthusiastically met mine. We kissed eachother without restraint, our lips were moving in sync while Embry's hands found their way beneath my shirt and he tickled the small of my back, making me giggle.

"Hell must have frozen over because Leah Clearwater just giggled."

I playfully smacked Embry upside the head, "Shut up and kiss me."

"Is that an order?" Embry's voice was deep and sexy sounding.

I nodded my head, panting, "It most certainly is."

Embry's mouth met mine and I melted into him, feeling instead of thinking.

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**A/N: Forgive me, I had to name this chapter 'Scents' and Sensibility, it was just too irresistible and I don't care how cheesy it is.**

**And, the Quileute legend of the five brothers, the one I mentioned earlier is actually one of their stories, I didn't make it up. They do call Cassiopeia, "The Buckskin" or at least used to . I've heard a variation of the story that actually has six brothers...so yeah...**

**Also, Reviews are love (good and bad)! So, you know...review or somethin'.**

**I'm working on another Embry POV...I don't know if I'll use it as an actual chapter in this story or just a supplement or outtake...I'll have to think about it. **

**Seriously though folks, I really love you for reading.**

**More to come!**


	14. Girl Talk

**I own nothing.**

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I started going to the Cullen home for my therapy and meditation sessions the day after things changed between Embry and myself. The therapy sessions were every other day at my request because I wanted to work through my problems as soon as possible so Jacob would let me leave. Working with Edward was uncomfortable and foreign, I didn't like talking to him, which is why the sessions were a failure.

The meditation sessions with Alice, which were to be every day, weren't much better at first. I couldn't relax for several reasons: the vampire smell was getting to me; Alice and I didn't get along; and I hated the fact that Edward was still able to read my mind and I didn't feel comfortable lowering my defenses by shutting my eyes with Alice in the room.

The second day I was working with Alice, she asked me why I was so anxious and I told her I couldn't concentrate because I knew her stupid brother was still reading my thoughts. She told me to start thinking about my 'lady problems' in order to get Edward to focus on something else because he hated 'hearing' about menstruation, of course _that_ set me off. I asked her if that was some sort of sick joke then I proceeded to tell her that I don't have 'lady problems' anymore because they disappeared the second I became a wolf, thus making me a genetic dead-end.

It turned out that she didn't know and she felt really bad. She even went out of her way to try and make it up to me. She offered me her car, which I declined because who gives away a damn car like that, besides I had my own money - I didn't need Alice's charity. That's when she offered to fix my hair. Surprisingly, that offer didn't piss me off, besides I did need someone to fix my hideous hair, so I let her. Although I'm sure the real reason I didn't flip out is because Jasper was in the room keeping me calm with is freaky mutant power.

Alice ended up telling Edward to go outside of mind-reading range because his presence was messing up my 'chi', making it impossible for me to meditate, of course that was a lie but he didn't need to know that. Apparently she was pretty good at deflecting his mind-reading, she even told me a few tricks. While cutting my hair, Alice became a regular 'Chatty Kathy' and got me laughing, but only because she was telling me some hilarious stories about Edward, it turns out that's the whole reason she got him to leave in the first place. When she was done cutting, she had me look at myself in the mirror. I really liked the haircut she gave me which was an 'asymmetrical bob', she said the style accentuated my cheekbones and I agreed. She went on and on about Victoria Beckham having the same style, not like I would have known though. But I loved my hair for the first time in quite a while.

The day after that, I discovered speaking to Alice was more therapeutic then meditating and much more effective - and a hell of a lot less infuriating - then speaking to Edward. Alice was sort of lovable in a scary, smelly vampire way. I ended opening up to her in our third 'meditating' session. That day we covered my sordid past with Sam, including the fact that I attacked him and nearly got myself killed, although she already knew that part of the story. I decided that it was nice to have a girl to talk to, _sure_ it was girl talk at its most bizarre—between a she-wolf and a vampire—but it was better then no girl talk whatsoever.

This morning, when I got to the house for my fifth 'meditation' session, I was greeted by Alice _and_ Rosalie. Alice filled Rosalie in on the whole Sam story and Rosalie wanted to hear the rest of my story first hand. Alice assured me that Rosalie wasn't going to make trouble, that she just wanted to listen so I agreed to let Rosalie join us in the 'meditation room', which was actually Alice's obscenely massive closet. The subject of the day was Embry and it was fun recounting the details to them, although they cringed when I told them that Embry smelled really good, because even though they really hadn't had an occasion to meet him in person, they knew he was part of Jacob's pack too.

Alice and Rosalie started playing 'dress up' by the time my short Embry story was winding to a close, which was distracting at first, not to mention odd but it wasn't long before I joined in. Alice's closet was just too fun.

"…and then we started making out, a lot." I shrugged as I looked over at Alice and Rosalie.

Alice's golden brown eyes met mine, " So, is that everything?"

"Yeah, basically everything," I shrugged again as I tried on an obnoxious yet beautiful hat. "Why do you have these hats?" I gestured to the massive pile of hat boxes, each one containing an elaborate hat.

"For the Kentucky Derby."

"I thought you didn't go outside in the sun."

"I don't go ever go to the Kentucky Derby, I just wear those hats when Jasper and I watch it on TV." Alice said smiling. "Plus, you can never have too many hats."

Rosalie, quite interested in the original conversation, piped in. "Your life is sort of like a supernatural soap opera. It's got everything: Losing your man to your cousin, jealousy, broken hearts, ruthless attacks, Embry learning that Sam is his half brother, You getting together with your ex's half-brother, your Mom getting with Bella's Dad, and the strange werewolf imprinting thing to top everything off. Seriously Leah this is better then 'Days of our Lives'."

I scowled at Rosalie, annoyed that she brought up the fact that mom was dating Bella's father and she had the nerve to compare my life to that 'ridonculous' show, "What? You watch that garbage?"

Rosalie started gliding around the massive closet in a pair of Alice's six-inch stilettos, "We've got to do something with all our time, plus, it's addictive. Oh! You are totally Sammy from 'Days'! Don't you think so Alice?"

Alice was trying on one of her several tiaras, "Yeah, sort of."

"Sammy!? You mean that crazy, back-stabbing douche bag? You guys think I'm like her?"

Rosalie answered, "She's not that bad, just misunderstood—like you." She then turned her attention to Alice. "Hey Alice since when did you start buying sexy shoes?

I cut off Alice before she could answer Rosalie's question,"Sammy is royally 'effed' up! She's crazier then a 'football bat'. I'd rather not be compared to her, thanks."

Alice, sensing that I wasn't enjoying Rosalie's addition to the conversation, switched back to the topic at hand, "Is Embry good at kissing?"

Thinking about Embry's kisses started making me think of his soft lips and that made me forget about Rosalie's stupid comments, "He is a damn good kisser. _Damn good!!_ The guy deserves a medal or something."

Alice giggled, "How do you feel about him?"

"I love him but not in the romantic sense." I admitted the truth as I started rummaging through Alice's jewelry collection, finally trying on a beautiful sapphire ring and admiring it.

"But he's in love with you." Rosalie interjected.

"Yeah."

"How is that working?" Alice asked, "By-the-way, you can keep that." She pointed to the ring on my finger, "It's too big for me."

Uncomfortable with Alice's generosity I blushed,"Oh, no. I mean it's beautiful but I couldn't. Jewelry isn't my thing. Thanks though." I slipped the ring off of my finger and answered Alice's question. "I don't know how it's working because we don't talk about it."

"Really?" Rosalie questioned as she held a red, super slutty-looking dress up to her body, "Hey Alice, when did you get this?"

"I've had it. And no, you can't borrow it. It's too small for you and Emmett will just rip it to shreds." Alice looked at me, "You were saying that you and Embry aren't talking about your feelings."

"Yeah, we're really good at avoiding stuff like that." I glanced in the mirror to see what the vintage aviators looked like on me, _Not bad. In fact, I look quite bad-ass. _ I smirked.

"But why do you avoid talking about something that important?"

"Because it won't resolve anything between the two of us. Besides, we don't do a lot of talking these days, if you know what I mean…"

"NO WAY!" Alice screeched excitedly.

"Yeah." I confirmed as I picked up one of the cookies Alice set out for me.

"You neglected to mention _that_. So how is the sex?" Alice inquired happily as she applied some bright red lipstick.

Alice's question surprised me and I nearly choked on the cookie I was eating. After coughing up a storm, I was finally able to speak. "We aren't having _sex_, not even close. Damn Alice, I'm not that easy!"

Rosalie, who was wrapping a scarf around her neck turned and spoke, "Well you did say—"

I cut Rosalie off, "I know, but I _meant_ we're just keeping each other company...I suppose." I paused, embarrassed that the highlight of my twentieth year was making out with a guy. But then I continued because I hated the fact that there was something wrong with _NOT_ 'sexing up' Embry. "We keep things clean, okay. Besides, I'm not going to have sex with a guy I'm not in love with and _even if_ I was in love with Embry, I still wouldn't have sex with him."

"Why not?" Rosalie questioned while studying her flawless complexion in the mirror.

I rolled my eyes and sighed because I was irritated that they didn't seem to get it."Because he's going to imprint some day! I can't go through that again. And because fate seems to hate my guts, he'll probably end up imprinting on an infant, like Jacob and Quil have. By-the-way, I would literally _shit_ myself if that happened."

Alice doubled over in laughter when I said that last part and Rosalie just looked disgusted when she spoke, "Sick Leah! Do you actually talk like that around this Embry guy?"

Mortified, I explained myself, "I'm working on not doing that. And up until three weeks ago, I was sharing my thoughts with a group of smelly guys, all of which swore like sailors and none of which seemed to think of me as a girl. "

"Well, obviously Embry thinks of you as a girl." Alice said as she held a swatch of fabric up to my skin.

"Yeah he does." I beamed, "What's that for?"

"Oh nothing," Alice smiled at me innocently. "Hey, I'll be right back." Alice turned and started walking out of the closet, "No fighting, okay."

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "She's going to give you a makeover."

"Oh..." I trailed off, unable to come up with anything to say to Rosalie.

Alice picked up a silver hairbrush and started running it through her corn silk hair. "Jacob told me that you defended me. Is that true?"

"What do you mean?"

"He said that you told him that you could relate to me, that you understood why I wanted Bella to have Nessie."

I shrugged, "Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, thanks I guess. Jacob said that you can't have kids, is that true?"

I cursed Jacob, completely livid that he told Rosalie about my 'lady problems', "What is it with you vampires!? Why is it you guys keep bringing up my fertility or complete lack thereof!?"

"I didn't realize that we keep bringing it up. I apologize."

I sighed desperately trying to keep my cool, "Look don't worry about it, okay. By-the-way, why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because of what Jacob told me, I suppose."

"Oh. Okay."

"You want to know what I think?"

"About what?"

"About this Embry guy."

"Not really, but go ahead, I guess."

"I think you should go for it."

"Go for what? Sex?" I asked incredulously because that was none of her business.

"No. I mean sure, do that when you're ready. But as far as your relationship goes, tell him how you feel."

"I'm not in love with Embry."

"Are you _sure_ about that?"

I flinched because of her intonation, "Yeah."

Her lips curved up into a smile that looked sinister, "That is a 'no'."

"Look, not that it's any of your business but I can't even think about moving on right now. I've got a shitload of problems - I'm not over Sam yet."

This time it was Rosalie's turn to flinch, "What? You still love this Sam jackass, the one who broke your heart?"

"I am over him for the most part, but there is something holding me back."

"It's you. You're holding yourself back. Just let go of him."

"I've tried. You have no idea how hard I've tried. Hell I've even gone psychotic and attacked him; burned everything I owned that was remotely connected to any memory of him. And one of the reasons I keep making out with Embry, besides the fact that I really like him, is because I want to forget about Sam."

Rosalie shifted her weight from one foot to the other and cocked her head, the look in her eyes changed and it was clear she was judging me, "Wow, that's pretty shitty of you, using Embry like that."

"Don't you think I know that? Plus, I'm not using him, exactly."

"How do you feel about Embry then?"

"He's a great guy. I love him."

"But are you _in love_ with him?"

It was after this question that I realized that she was slowly circling around and eying me, clearly trying to intimidate me. Not wanting to have my back turned to her I started turning so I was always facing her. "I don't know."

She nodded her head, accepting what I told her, that I really didn't know. She then switched gears back to Sam. "So about this Sam, what is it that's keeping you from moving on?"

"I'm not sure..." I lied.

Rosalie's angelic face was starting to look frightening, almost demonic, she was clearly trying to intimidate me. "You want to get revenge? Do you want to hurt your cousin?"

"No, I would never hurt Emily. I don't want revenge, I just want closure." I felt the urge to phase but I didn't because I wasn't sure if I was really in danger. I felt safe enough but red flags were popping up all over the place. I couldn't comprehend why Rosalie was trying to scare me. I knew she'd never kill me, if she did the Cullens would have hell to pay, regardless of Jacob's imprint on Nessie. Sam's pack didn't have the same connection or loyalties to the Cullen family. Sam would definitely order an attack if I was hurt or killed by one of them, she knew that.

"Do you want to be happy?"

"Yes."

"Then get your closure and move on."

"I don't think I can get it."

"What is it that you want? What will give you closure?"

"I need Sam to stop loving me." I said quietly. It was the first time I said the words out loud, to myself or anyone.

"He still loves you?" She was genuinely surprised, I could tell from her tone, not that I blamed her because the truth baffled me too.

"Yes, he still loves me and I need him to stop because its his love that is keeping me down - it's almost like gravity, pulling me back to him. As long as he loves me - even in the slightest - I still have hope that _My_ _Sam_ will come back. I'll have closure when he stops loving me completely." It was the truth, the complete truth. I knew it when the words came out of my mouth. I even started getting teary-eyed because I just had a complete breakthrough, although the answer was always there, I just needed to say it out loud. All my other theories were just distractions that were hindering me; stopping me from seeing the truth.

"Are you sure?"

I took a deep breath, completely sure of myself. "Of course I'm sure."

"Good." She smiled at me, her face going from devil to angel in one second. She then looked up at one of the corners of Alice's closet, "Hey Edward, did you hear that?"

I spun around and couldn't see what Rosalie was looking at because Edward was obviously not there.

Rosalie whispered in my ear, "Smile, you're being filmed right now."

Confused, I stepped away from her, "What?"

"There's a tiny camera right there," She pointed up to the corner, "See."

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**A/N: I did a little editing of this chapter after publishing. The story is the same but the wording was driving me nuts. I hope no one minds. I'll try to do a better job editing next time. Sorry.**

**About Leah not being able to let go - The idea (which is one of the major themes of this story) was inspired by this saying: _Every time I try to give up, hope whispers, 'one more try...'_**

**In my mind, Sam is still in love with Leah. Jacob says something in Eclipse about being able to be in love with two people at the same time - that he's seen it happen. I don't know about anyone else but I always felt he was referring to Sam being in love with Emily _AND_ Leah. Also, I'm convinced Sam was still in love with her in Breaking Dawn. That's why he told Jared to get down on his knees and beg, even telling him to call her 'Lee-Lee' if he had to. Yeah it was a shitty thing to do but I think as much as he wanted her to go away (because her presence was a constant reminder of what _should have_ been, _OR_ he hated seeing what she had become. She wasn't his lee-lee anymore), he couldn't live without her. AND, Jared mentions that they (the pack) want her back, that SAM wants her back but he didn't say the same to Seth. I mean, come on, since when would the pack want her back and not Seth? Could it be because SAM was making the rest of them miserable because he was miserable? I think _YES_! Sam is STILL in love with her, even if it is just a little. **

**Anyone else have a major breakthrough after saying something out loud for the first time? That's how it works for me. Sometimes I just need to hear myself say it, you know? **

**Also, I could have stretched out the story of how Leah became friends with Alice and Rosalie but I've got too much of a story to tell. I'm pretty sure you people would be like 'What the hell? When are we going to get back to Leah and Embry?'**

**Spoiler: ****_Besides, there is something else, something not__ Embry, that I need to get into. I've been dropping subtle hints along the way...  
_**

**Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it. You people keep me going on this story. I also appreciate any input, too.**


	15. Answers

**I own nothing.**

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I frantically looked in the direction Rosalie was pointing, not seeing what she was pointing at and wondering if it was one of those tiny spy cameras. "I don't see anything."

"That's because Rosalie is just messing with you." Alice's voice sounded behind us and I spun around, relieved to see her standing in the doorway. "There is no camera there, Edward isn't filming us." Alice reassured me before looking directly at Rosalie, "Rosalie, you said you were going to be on your best behavior."

Rosalie laughed quietly, "Alice, _this is_ my best behavior – you know that."

Completely livid, I turned my attention back to Rosalie, "What the hell is the matter with you?"

Rosalie casually looked down at her nails and spoke, "Doesn't feel good, being yanked around, does it?"

"I haven't done anything to you. What's the matter with you!?"

"Nothing is the matter with me, actually." She looked up from her finely manicured nails, unabashedly meeting my glower, "Here's the deal, Leah, from what I've gathered, it seems to that you're a lot like me—you're smart and you don't like being mollycoddled, do you?"

I shrugged instead of answering because I didn't like being compared to Rosalie even though what she said was true – I don't like being mollycoddled and_ I am_ smart – not to brag or anything.

"You like to get to the point." Rosalie stated, her voice was back to its regular musical tone.

"Yeah, actually I do. Get. To. _It_." I urged through clenched teeth.

Rosalie gave an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes, "I just helped you do _that_ – get to the point, I mean – for your sake and for everyone else involved. You don't want to keep working with Edward do you?"

"No." I admitted, although it's not like my feelings on the matter were a secret.

"That's why I helped you just now. I did what I did to help you. I intimidated the answer out of you._" _Rosalie shrugged as if that was supposed to make sense.

"What?"

She gave me a look that said, 'I guess you aren't so smart, are you?' then she spoke, "_You_ found your answer. Now you know exactly what you need in order to move on. But also, I reminded you that being yanked around sucks. I don't know this Embry guy but I think what you're doing to him is wrong, especially if you really care for him." Rosalie cocked her head to the side before continuing, "It's practically the same thing Bella was doing to Jacob while Edward was away, am I right?"

That last sentence was like a punch in the gut and I wanted to throw up right then and there because the creepy blonde leech was right; I was no better then stupid, selfish, hooker-face Bella. We all hated Bella for putting Jacob through what she put him through and the last thing I wanted was to be just like her. Perhaps I wasn't using Embry entirely, because I wasn't, but I wasn't kissing him _just because_ I liked him or whatever.

"Oh…" I mumbled quietly as I looked down, ashamed that a vampire had to point out the error of my ways. _Since when does a bloodsucker have a moral compass?_ I questioned myself. _Since when did I stop using mine? Although, it's not like I've ever been that great of a person._

It was then I realized that I never really seemed to have a moral compass of my own – or at least, I never _used it_. In the past I didn't have use for one because it was my father who was always there, like my very own 'Jiminy Cricket' or 'shoulder angel', gently guiding me – telling me which way to go when I got 'lost'.

Alice broke the silence. "Are you okay Leah?" Her tone told me that she genuinely cared which only made me feel worse for some reason or other.

"I think I need to go." I murmured as I walked across the room to get my bag of meditation books and yoga mat.

"Oh please don't. I'll get rid of Rosalie." She looked over at Rosalie, "Rosalie, you've upset Leah. Leave."

"No, that's not necessary Alice, she wasn't out of line." I threw the bag over my shoulder.

I was leaving the room when Alice spoke again, "You can't leave yet. Carlisle needs to speak to you. He told me to send you to his office when we were done"

"I can talk to him tomorrow." I said half-heartedly.

"No, he says it's important. Some of the test results came back." Alice seemed adamant that I stay.

I stopped in my tracks, suddenly remembering all the blood and tissue samples I'd left with Carlisle a week previously. "Did he say-"

Alice cut me off, "Carlisle keeps such things confidential from the rest of us, except for Edward but that can't be helped. He's never learned any tricks to block that, you know."

I nodded my head, thinking about what I should do. Of course I wanted to know exactly what he found out but at the same time, I wasn't sure I could handle it. If the news was good I would be fine, but if it wasn't, if I was a complete freak of nature, I really didn't want to know. At least not right then, I already had too much on my plate. "Could you tell him that I'm not up to it today? I've got a lot to think about and I just can't handle anything else right now. Tell him I'll meet with him tomorrow, after my therapy session with Edward."

Alice gave me a tiny smile nodded, "Sure, I can do that."

"Thanks Alice, I appreciate your help with everything – you know, being willing to listen to me and all." I looked past Alice, over at Rosalie, "And Rosalie, thanks for helping me find my answer and…I hate to admit it but you are right about how I've been treating Embry."

She winked and smiled at me, "You're welcome and _I know_."

_Ugh, so damn smug. I hate that._ I thought to myself as I smiled back at her and waved goodbye to both of them.

I left the house, unhindered by Esme who usually wanted to chat, although I think she could tell I wasn't in a chatty mood. The look on my face clearly said wasn't up to speaking to anyone, especially a vampire.

It was raining outside but I was glad to finally get out in the open air and breathe deeply. Despite the rain, I walked into the forest instead of using the car Alice had been letting me borrow to get back and forth, until I finally got around to getting a car of my own.

I wondered through the forest, not really headed toward home or anywhere exactly. I just needed time alone, I needed to think. I thought about Sam first, about how I was practically tethered to him – _still_ – despite all the ugliness that had passed between us. It became apparent that I'd have to confront him, tell him what I needed from him. The very idea of revealing the sad truth to him made me ill. How could I tell him that I still hoped he'd come back to me? It was pathetic. Incredibly pathetic.

After I left Sam's pack, I swore to myself I would never let him see me be vulnerable again, of course I'd slipped up a few times but none of those times were intentional. This would be different and I'd be intentionally divulging my secret shame to him, making myself vulnerable and finally asking him to stifle all my hope – to snuff it out completely. I didn't want to do it. I'd rather he ripped my stomach open again because I could rapidly heal from that and if I didn't, well, then I'd be dead and I could handle that. Being dead was much more preferable to revealing the sad, sad truth before asking him to hurt me one last time, ending my connection to him once and for all.

The absolute worst part was I didn't want to lose that connection to him, no matter how horrible it was. Again, it all had to do with pride and the fact that I hated losing but even then, I didn't know if I could handle it. I'd been broken so many times but I wasn't completely shattered, not yet at least. Putting myself out there was what I needed to do for the 'greater good' but it would shatter what little was left of my broken heart. It never ceased to amaze me that, despite my super 'wolfy' strength and my rapid healing powers, my heart was still incredibly fragile;breakable and it didn't heal – at least, not rapidly.

I tried rejecting the notion of approaching Sam and frantically searched for another way out of the huge mess. But there was no other way, I needed to speak to Sam. I needed to hear Sam say 'I don't love you anymore, Leah', and he had to mean it, too.

After accepting what I needed to do, I decided to head home all the while trying, _unsuccessfully_, to avoid the subject of Embry. I tried not to think about what a selfish bitch I'd been. Embry was a great guy and he didn't deserve to be treated so badly, I shouldn't have been using him. I felt like complete crap knowing I let things get out of hand; that it was my fault.

There was another part of me, the petty 'smaller' part, that spoke up, rationalizing my actions; saying that it wasn't all my fault, after all it takes two to tango or whatever. I didn't force myself on Embry, yeah I flirted and teased but he started it. I walked away and he pursued me, snuck up on me, grabbed me, whispered in my ear with his sexy, sexy voice, smelling all good 'n' shit. _He_ started it and I just enjoyed it, a lot. So, Embry was just as guilty as I was.

And the other times, starting with our 'session' four nights ago and every night after, he definitely initiated those. Hell, I didn't even have to flirt or anything. The guy was all over me from the moment we were alone. Sure I was a little surprised at first, I figured we'd at least talk about what all the kissing but we didn't. I was relieved that we didn't talk about it because I didn't want to put an end to our new arrangement and I didn't want to give it a definition either. Even if we tried, what could we call what we were doing?

Originally Embry had wanted things to be '_not _casual', basically telling me it was all or nothing. What we were doing was not 'all' nor was it 'nothing'. What we were doing was somewhere in the middle; it was casual. Sure there were feelings there - more then just friendship on my part and...well, actual romantic love on his end but what we were doing was definitely casual, I was sure of it.

In the end, despite all my rationalization on the matter, I knew I needed to put an end to our casual arrangement, but purely out of principle. The principle being: I didn't want to be the equivalent to stupid Bella Swan-Cullen, I hated her. Besides, I loved Embry enough to _not play_ with his emotions.

On that note, I emerged from the forest, directly behind my house. I was finally home.

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**A/N: Sorry about the shorter chapter. I'm pretty busy this week so I can't spend too much time on this. I hope to update soon, but don't expect to see something for another week. I'm sorry. :(**

**Reviews are like wonderful Jacob-sized hugs. I love hugs!  
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	16. Rock Bottom

**I own nothing.**

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Embry and I did talk. It started off well, with him telling me that he was glad that I wanted to discuss what was going on between the two of us. He admitted that the only reason he hadn't been able to keep his hands off of me is because it's like all his dreams were coming true, which caused me to blush, a lot. I told him that he was a fantastic kisser, which caused him to blush. Then I told him I had feelings for him but they weren't as strong as how he felt for me.

He asked me how I felt and I told him I cared for him (I didn't tell him I loved him because I didn't want him to take the words out of context) but I wasn't _in love_ with him. He asked me if I could ever reciprocate his feelings and I told him that I needed some time away from him because I needed to figure things out (which was true), besides, I still had to take care of a boat-load of other issues. He didn't seem to like that, and he even started making excuses as to why it would be better if we kept seeing each other, of course I wanted to give in, and I almost did.

Unfortunately our talk ended on a sour note. Things went bad when I brought up the Bella comparison. He kept insisting that I wasn't anything like Bella, and because I respect him, I told him the truth about sort of using him to forget about Sam. He didn't like that, and basically said I was worse then Bella. I didn't blame him for getting upset, I'd be pissed off too. The thing is, instead of agreeing with him (because it is true, I am worse then her, in a way), my pride got in the way because who wants to admit that they're worse then Bella? So I lashed out and told him to leave but only after I said some pretty harsh things.

I didn't really understand how much I depended on Embry until he stopped showing up at my house. Embry's visits were the highlight of most of my days, even more so when I started my therapy sessions with Edward. Before things got more intimate between the two of us, I considered Embry a close friend because he was the only person, beside Seth, that really talked to me outside of pack business. This realization, that I only had one real friend, really depressed me. I felt even worse knowing I'd chased him off.

I was feeling so lonely and miserable and I knew the situation was entirely my own doing. If I had just been less prideful, less stubborn, less out-of-control, I might have been able to salvage my friendship with Embry. But that ship had sailed, and I missed Embry quite a bit, although I'd never admit it out loud because my pride wouldn't allow it.

The loss of Embry's friendship set me back quite a bit, to the way I was before I left Sam's pack. I went back to being my old bitchy self - _all of the time_. I lashed out at everyone: Seth and mom (although, we were already on shaky ground) feeling the brunt of it. I stopped being nice to Alice and Rosalie, especially Rosalie. Therapy sessions with Edward got even worse because I refused to speak to him and kept picturing Jacob making out with Bella, just to piss him off (and to keep him out of my business).

The day after things went bad between Embry and myself, Carlisle told me that he had the results from some of the tests. He told me I was definitely all-woman, biologically-speaking, but said he would need to run more tests in order to see if I could reproduce. I told him I didn't give a shit either way and stormed out of his office because I wasn't in the mood to deal with more tests. Besides, I already figured I was all-woman and I didn't need a test to tell me that. Since I was so ticked off, I snapped at little Nessie on my way out, a fact that I wasn't proud of because she was just a baby and all. That little stunt ticked EVERYONE off, especially Jacob and Bella.

I knew I was being self-destructive, I knew I was making matters worse, but I didn't care anymore. I kept rationalizing my actions by telling myself there was no reason to care when everything I touched turned to shit. But really, I was just on a rampage that wouldn't stop until I hit rock bottom.

Because I always used to find solace in running, I started phasing again. I loved being in my wolf form because it dulled the emotional pain I'd been trying so hard to work through (and failed miserably at). I realized that it might not be so bad to be a wolf indefinitely as I was better at being a wolf then I was at being a human.

I was thinking about staying a wolf when Jacob phased, and he heard my thoughts. I was just about to phase when he stopped me with a thought of his own. _You wouldn't last that long, you know._

_Whatever Jacob, like you know anything about me.._

_I know how much you hate eating wild game. I know how much you like to shower, wear clean clothes and sleep in a bed. I know you'll miss being human. _

_Whatever, Your Majesty. I'm outta here._

_Stay. I need to talk to you._

_There is a term for having voices in one's head, it's called schizophrenia, and I'm not going to have a conversation with the voices because I'm not schizophrenic. Buh-bye._

_Ha-ha, Smartass. Stay._

_Is that an order?_

_No. I'm not ordering you to do anything anymore. _

_Good. Your orders have only jacked things up for me. You realize I'd be living it up in Hawaii if it wasn't for your orders._

_Yeah, or you'd be dead. _

_Either way, I wouldn't be stuck in La Push so that works for me._

_Look, Leah, I realize you love being a sarcastic bitch and causing devastation wherever you go, but you're in my pack, which makes you my problem. _

_Oh, gee, I'm sorry that I'm making __the all-mighty Alpha__'s life difficult. I can't imagine how hard things must be for you. Look, I've got things to do so why don't you get to the point._

_Leah, you're my Beta, a damn good one as well and I care about you. I want you to get help. I want you to be happy, truly happy, but, it seems as though you don't want those things for yourself. And, because I can't force you to be happy, I'm letting you go. You're welcome to leave whenever you want. _

_What?_

_You know what I said, I'm letting you go. You're no longer obligated to stay here. Leave whenever you want._

I was shocked. I couldn't believe it. Jacob was telling me to leave and because I wasn't prepared for the surprising turn of events, I had no idea what to think at first. When the shock wore off, devastation set in.

I felt as though I was no longer invited to 'the party' or even allowed to crash it. I was being escorted to the door and being told that I should leave and in no uncertain terms. I was being rejected, again. That sick feeling, the one that I felt when Sam was dumping me, set in and I couldn't breathe. I felt like I'd just been punched in the gut a million times and I wanted to throw up, in fact I almost did.

Jacob felt the weight of my devastation full-force as I hadn't had a chance to filter my emotions or cover them up with sarcasm and bitchiness. He was shocked by my reaction because he thought I'd be jubilant and runaway right then and there.

_Shows what you know._

_Leah, I'm sorry. I thought it's what you wanted. _

_I did want that but on my terms. You're basically throwing me out of La Push. It's different._

_I never said you had to leave._

_But you wouldn't mind if I left, in fact, you'd prefer it if I did. So, don't worry, Leah Clearwater, ruiner of all things, is going to leave. I won't be your problem anymore._

_Leah, really, I don't want you to leave but it seems as though you'd be a lot happier if you did. At least, that's what I thought. _

_Jacob, even I don't know what I want anymore. _

_Oh._

_Yeah._

We got to talking and eventually I completely opened up to Jacob. He was really kind and he listened to everything I had to say, I could tell he genuinely cared. It felt good to know that he cared and not just because he had to care. I could tell that he cared because he considered me a friend (something I didn't know until then).

When I was done, Jacob told me that the little stunt I pulled with Nessie was making his life difficult. Bella and Edward were furious. They said he wasn't doing such a good job at protecting Nessie and said he needed to rein me in. I apologized because I really did feel bad about snapping at Nessie. He told me that I didn't need to apologize to him, that I needed to apologize to the Cullens. I told him I would.

Then I asked him if there was anything else I could do to make it up to him. He told me that he wanted me to continue to work with Edward and Alice but this time, take things seriously. I told him I'd do my best, and I meant it. He said that he appreciated it and even told me that he believed in me. I thanked Jacob because it felt good to have someone believe in me.

Before Jacob was about to phase back into his human form, he sensed that I had been wondering about Embry, about how he was doing. He told me that Embry was missing me too but he was still upset. Then Jacob phased and I was alone again.

I went to the Cullen's home immediately and I apologized to the whole family, which was humiliating, but I deserved the humiliation, considering all I'd done. I told Nessie that I was sorry for being mean to her and I even let her touch my forehead, to communicate with me. That was a freaky experience, and it made me feel dizzy because it was so different from how things worked in the pack mind.

I told Edward that I would appreciate it if he would still be willing to work with me and I promised that I'd take things seriously. I told Alice the same thing and she looked at Edward, to see if I was being sincere, he nodded and she accepted my apology and agreed. In fact, I went with Alice and started a session right then. We actually worked on meditating too. As a matter of fact, I made a promise to Alice and myself that I would work especially hard on the meditating.

I was amazed by how forgiving the Cullen's were. Unfortunately, things weren't so easy at home, at least not with my mom. My mother was still very much infuriated with me because I said some hideous things to Charlie a few days previously. As a result, he stopped calling her. I felt bad for my mother's sake but I wasn't about to go and mend fences with Charlie. I could have said I was sorry, but my apology would have been completely insincere and I probably would have just ended up making matters worse. Besides, I didn't like the fact that he was trying to take my father's place.

As far as things with Embry went, I didn't even attempt to approach him even though it had been seven days since we fought; since I'd last seen him. I told myself that I needed to give him time. But really, the biggest reason I stayed away is because_ I_ needed time, so I figured it would be a while before I saw him again.

Imagine my surprise when I found myself in Embry's arms less then one week later.

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**A/N: This is _sort of_ a pivotal chapter in the story and that's why it has taken me quite a while to finally publish it. I know it doesn't seem like anything new or important happened but if you're patient, you'll find out why I had to include this chapter (there really is a reason). I tried skipping it or summing it up but I couldn't, so sorry if it's boring. **

**I needed to get a lot of information out there and that is why most of this chapter is just narration, not dialogue (it would have been HELLA long, otherwise. _Believe me_). I've written this chapter 4-5 different times, each time from a different vantage point. I even toyed around with having Jacob be the narrator but I realized that it wasn't time to go there.**

**I hope you all can forgive me for _sort of_ changing the narration style. I wasn't satisfied with the method I had been using earlier. While it's lame to change such a thing in the middle of a story, I've decided that it's much more important for me to be grow as an writer _and_ be pleased with my writing. **

**I'm already halfway done with writing the next chapter. **

**_SPOILER: Just so you know, the next chapter is told from Embry's POV and I think its exciting (mysterious). _**


	17. That's what she said

**If I owned the Twilight series, I wouldn't be writing fan fiction, I'd be spending my time rolling naked in _all my money_. Alas, I have no money. 'Nuff said.**

**BTW, I wrote this chapter a while ago, but I wasn't sure if this is where I wanted the story to go, so I've been holding it back, trying to think of some alternatives. Guess what, I can't think of any alternatives. **

**Twilight22lover likes this chapter and told me I should post it. Here you go.  
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**_**Embry Call**_

_I'm a masochist_, I told myself as I held a peacefully sleeping Leah in my arms. I hated to admit it but it felt unbelievably good to be so close to her again._ This is so messed up and wrong and I must not have any self-respect because if I did, I wouldn't be doing this, _I thought as I studied her face. Her cheeks were rosy and the expression on her face was serene, so unlike how she looked when she was awake, especially when she was in Beta-mode. _I should have kicked her out into the night._ Right then, as if on cue, Leah let out a peaceful sigh and nuzzled closer to me. I closed my eyes and kissed the top of her head, holding her warm figure tighter, knowing full-well that I wouldn't have been able to kick her out.

_I never should have answered the door. What in the hell was I thinking? _ I questioned myself as I thought back to the events that led up to the situation I currently found myself in…

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It was a Friday night and I was at home because I knew my mother wanted to spend time with me. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how I looked at it) my mother was on what I guess could be considered a date with Billy Black. He called up and tried to be sneaky by claiming that he made too much spaghetti and then asked if my mom wanted to eat dinner with him. She told Billy that she was spending time with me so he extended the invitation to me as well, but I didn't want to intrude. Besides, Billy's spaghetti wasn't anything special, just noodles with a jar of Ragú poured on top – I knew this because I've eaten at Jacob's house hundreds of times since I was a kid.

My mother, not wanting to skip out on our plans, was about to decline but I wouldn't let her because I could tell that she was excited about the invitation. I liked Billy, he was a kind man, sort of boring but kind nonetheless. My mother always seemed to like Billy and, in the past, it always made me think that maybe - _just maybe_ - Billy might be my father. Now I know that isn't possible even though I still haven't questioned my mom about Joshua Uley. _I knew_ Billy wasn't my father because if he was my father I'd be Alpha, not Jacob, because I'm older.

As far as any future romance between Billy and my mom went, that would be fine with me. It would be sort of cool, actually. Billy tried pursuing Sue Clearwater for a short time but she liked Charlie Swan more. Now Billy and Charlie were no longer speaking (again) and Billy spent a lot of time alone, just like my mom. And really, they did have a lot in common. At the very least, they could be friends.

After she left, I fed myself then flopped down on the couch and watched some TV. Since it was a Friday evening, there was nothing worth watching, just the usual Friday evening crap-fest. I switched to G4 and started watching _Arrested Development_ but didn't really pay much attention because I'd already watched every AD episode countless times, so my mind started wandering.

Before I knew it, I was thinking about the messed up situation between Leah and myself. I knew I was stupid for making out with Leah because I knew from the beginning, Leah and I wouldn't work out. It all came down to imprinting. But it was Leah's close brush with death that made me want to try and make things work with her. In retrospect I realized it was a stupid idea. Besides, she was still thinking about Sam and I knew that when I kissed her the first time. So really, I had no one else to blame but myself.

I thought about Leah, wondered how she was doing, if she was happy or not. I decided she wasn't because she was hardly ever happy unless she was making someone's life miserable and even then, she wasn't _really_ happy. The only time she was happy was when she was around me. That fact was both pleasing and infuriating. Pleasing because it was good to know that I could help her smile, infuriating because I wasn't who she was thinking about when we were together. It was Sam who haunted her thoughts, _always_ Sam. I wondered if she had been thinking about Sam all those times we made out. I wondered if she had only been kissing me because I was the closest thing to Sam – a substitute because I was his half-brother. The thought made me sick.

I knew that I was wasting my time thinking about her, so I picked up the phone to call Seth. I wanted to see if it wasn't too late to take him up on his offer to go out with him and his army of skanks. Hell, if I hadn't wasted my time with Leah, I'd be surrounded by my own army of skanks, but that's not what I really wanted. I wanted Leah. I sighed, hung up the phone and continued to think about Leah.

I wanted Leah despite the fact she was so completely screwed up and it wasn't because she had a great body and a beautiful face, although I'd be lying if I said I wasn't physically attracted to her, but that's not why I _wanted_ her in my life. I wanted her because deep down, beneath all her battle scars, bitchiness and sarcasm, there is so much more to her: She's hilarious and she knows how to make me laugh; she's quite intelligent and witty; she's thoughtful and compassionate when she wants to be; she's unbelievably vulnerable and also…_sweet_.

_Yeah_, I mused, _she's also dangerous. Dangerous and sweet - a deadly combination. _Despite how deadly that combination was I still wanted her. I came to the conclusion that it was almost as if I wanted her to torture me all along, as if I was begging for it. That's when the self-loathing kicked in.

Because I was self-loathing and alone on a Friday night, I allowed my mind to meander to places I shouldn't have, although it all started innocently enough, with me picturing Leah's face - mainly her eyes. I thought about the dark chocolate coloring of her irises, about how they almost looked black but still lit up when she was laughing. That got me thinking about her smile which got me thinking about her straight, white teeth and beautiful lips. Gradually I found myself thinking about how much I liked kissing her soft plump lips and about how they tasted. That led to thoughts of how the rest of her skin tasted and about how her scent drove me wild. Before I knew it I was thinking about her athletic body, about how it was firm, yet still quite feminine.

I closed my eyes and thought about how good it felt to have her body pressed up against mine. I remembered that it was actually Leah who took my hands and placed them on her breasts when she realized I was too intimidated to do so (because I honestly thought she would slap the crap out of me or claw my eyes out). Her breasts were perfect. They fit perfectly into my hands.

I was in the middle of remembering how she purred when I touched her breasts when someone started knocking on the front door. I was going to ignore whoever it was, because I was _sort of_ occupied, besides, no one knew I was home and my mom's car wasn't in the driveway. But the knocks on the door didn't stop, they got louder and I could tell whoever was on the other side of the door was frantic. So I got up, quietly walked to the door, looked out the peephole and saw it was Leah. I suddenly felt like a kid that got caught with my hand in the cookie jar. "Embry, open the door! I know you're there. I can smell you and I can hear you walking around!"

Despite the fact that I had sort of been fantasizing about her, I wasn't in the mood to deal with her shenanigans so I yelled through the door "What do you want Leah?" and continued to watch her through the peephole.

That's when I noticed that her eyes were darting about and it looked like she was frightened "Embry, just let me in!" She insisted before adding, "Please!" Her voice sounded anxious so I started to open the door. The second it was wide enough for her body to fit through she flew past me, into the house. She was sopping wet, covered with mud and trembling like a leaf.

Because Leah didn't look at me or even say anything, I spoke up, "Leah, why does it look like you've been rolling in the mud? What happened?"

She looked past me with wild eyes and started stammering "I-I-I don't know. I mean, _I think I know_ but…it's not possible. No…it must've been a…" Her words trailed off and she just stared at the wall, deep in thought, or so it seemed.

_Damn she's a mess_, I thought to myself before speaking again. "Must have been a…_what_? What's going on? Why are you here?"

She continued trembling, "I'm not sure right now, okay" I could tell she was having a difficult time even showing up and talking to me "…and…I'm-I'm here because your house was closest to where I was and," She looked down, "…I'm really freaked out and I don't want to be alone right now." Leah muttered the last part.

I wasn't sure about how I felt about her showing up on my doorstep but that's not what was at the front of my mind. The fact that she was scared, _that_ was odd because as far as I knew, nothing scared Leah – _not_ blood-lusting newborn vampires, _not_ Sam, _not_ Jacob, _not_ death, _not even_ her mother – _Nothing_. But she was clearly frightened nonetheless, "I can see that. What happened?"

She was still shaking. "I don't want to talk about it right now, okay."

Since she was clearly terrified, I dropped the subject for the time being. That's when looked down and I noticed that she was dripping water all over the wood floor. "You're sopping wet. Let me get you a towel." I said as I walked toward the linen closet. I grabbed a dark towel because I knew my mom would freak out if any of our towels got ruined, although I could always buy her new towels.

"Don't worry about it." Leah called out. I could tell from the sound of her voice that she was regretting that she even came over.

"No really, my mom would piss her pants if she saw you dripping water all over the wood floor." I walked toward her "Here, take it." I offered it to her.

"Thank you." She murmured quietly before reaching out for the towel. That's when our eyes met.

As I gazed into her dark eyes, I saw that she was completely vulnerable and disarmed. I was looking at the real Leah that seldom showed her self to me, or anyone really. Most people thought that Leah was smothered to death by the bitter harpy but it turns out she just went into hiding after Sam broke her heart. Seeing _that_ Leah, the real Leah, got to me. Instead of just handing her the towel, I opened it up and wrapped it around her while embracing her trembling body. I just couldn't help myself. "Leah, what happened?" I asked her again.

"Look, I can't talk about it right now." She whimpered as she leaned into my embrace. We stood like that for a few minutes and when her trembling started to subside, she spoke again, "My Mom and Charlie are back together and, I think she's spending the night over at his place tonight." She said bitterly, but then continued in a normal tone. "I don't know when Seth will be back and I really can't be alone right now. Do you mind if I stay here until Seth gets home?"

I agreed to let her stay because I wasn't going to kick her out when she was so scared. She used the phone to call Seth but he didn't answer his phone. Leah left a message, asking him to call her at my place as soon as possible then hung up. "The little perve is probably feeling up some stupid bimbo from Forks." She muttered before sort of laughing to herself.

She handed me the phone and stood in the middle of the living room looking completely out of place. She was clearly unsure of what to do with herself because she was too muddy to sit down on a couch or anywhere really. Since her clothing was so incredibly filthy and because she was going to stay for a while longer, I offered some clothing of mine so she could wash hers. She accepted and asked if she could take a quick shower, just to rinse off.

While she a showered, I threw her clothes, my muddy shirt and the dirty towel into the washing machine. Then I cleaned the floors and went to the kitchen to make some hot cocoa and a few sandwiches for her. I thought about how I was treating her, if it meant that I had forgiven her and I decided that I hadn't but I was being kind for a few reasons, which were: 1. I was loyal to the pack and since she was part of the pack, I felt the need to be there for her. 2. I was still very much in love with her.

While I was in the kitchen, I heard her open the bathroom door, walk down the hall and into the kitchen. "Hey Embry, I really appreciate this. You didn't have to do any of this, considering…"

I turned to face her, she was leaning up against the counter and it was obvious she had calmed down. She also looked adorable wearing my clothes. I smiled and spoke, "Anything for a pack member." and then, just to change the subject I picked up the plate of sandwiches and showed it to her. "I figured you were hungry so I made you a few sandwiches and some hot cocoa."

Leah gave me a grateful smile, "Thanks Emb, I'm starving." She admitted as she grabbed the food and mug of cocoa then followed me to the living room. We watched two episodes of Ninja Warrior and didn't really talk. When the second episode was over, she asked me where my mother was and I told her my mom was with Billy. Leah smiled and said it would be cute if they got together. I asked her why she thought so and she told me that she sometimes worries about Billy now that Jacob is always with Nessie, which didn't surprise me, we all worried about Billy. Billy would be completely alone in that house once Rachel and Paul moved into the house they were in the process of purchasing.

I asked her why she thinks its cute for Billy and my mom to get together but not okay Charlie to get together with her mom. She evaded my question by asking a question of her own. She asked how I was going to spend my new found wealth. I told her that I just paid off my mother's mortgage and other bills _anonymously. _I told her that my mother would be taken care of for the rest of her life. Leah looked at me with what looked like admiration, then said my mother must have done something right to have such a good son_._ I shrugged and said my mother deserved it after all she's sacrificed in order to raise me. She smiled and asked what I planned on doing with the rest of my money, so I told her that I planned on traveling around the world someday. She cocked her head and sort of gave me a weird look, but didn't say anything.

I turned my attention back to the TV and changed the channel to 'trutv' and we watched Forensic Files. The episode was about a woman who died mysteriously. Leah said the husband did it and said he poisoned her because he had a lady friend on the side. I asked her if she'd seen the episode and she said no, but it's always the spouse. Sure enough, Leah was right (she's _almost always_ right), the woman was killed by her husband. It turned out he was cheating on her and wanted out of the marriage without getting a divorce, he also needed money and figured he'd kill two birds with one stone by killing her for the insurance money. Leah just shook her head and muttered, "Men are dogs." under her breath.

I decided to ignore her words because it's not like she had room talk. Women were bitches. They went around doing and saying the worst things to each other and to men. Men might be dogs but Women were definitely bitches, I concluded before looking at the time, wondering when Seth was going to call, knowing he wouldn't get home until late. While Leah wasn't necessarily bothering me I still felt uncomfortable being around her because of how we left things the last time we'd seen each other. Part of me was comfortable with just hanging out with her while another part of me still wanted to chew her out, all the while another part of me wanted to take her into my room and do things with her.

I forced myself to stop thinking about her and I surfed through the TV stations, looking for something else to watch. I passed a channel that happened to be showing 'The Exorcist', but before I could change to the next channel, a certain scene just so happened to be on (the one where the possessed girl is going down the stairs like some demented crab), and it completely freaked Leah out. She started shaking again and insisted on sitting right next to me; she was incredibly jumpy. I apologized, although I don't know why, I didn't know that movie was on. Had I known, I would have avoided the channel altogether. She told me it was okay, said certain things scared her and left it at that.

I got to wondering what the hell scared her earlier but I didn't dare ask, considering she was already freaking out. It started getting late but Seth didn't call. Leah called Seth's phone and her house a few times but no one answered. Eventually Leah nodded off and Seth called soon after. I asked him where he was and he said he was in Port Angeles at some wild all-night party. I tried telling Seth what was going on, that Leah showed up at my door sopping wet, completely filthy and freaking out. I think he said he couldn't hear me, but I couldn't tell because he was cutting out then his phone lost reception and dropped the call. I was pretty sure Seth wasn't coming back to La Push for the night. That left Leah with no place to go.

I couldn't figure out what was I going to do with Leah. My mom would probably be home soon and I had Leah sleeping on the couch. Not that there was anything wrong with that, per say, but I knew my mom wouldn't like it. Mom was always going on and on about the importance of avoiding the appearance of evil. I pictured my mom showing up and giving me the riot act about the evils of having premarital sex even though Leah was just sleeping on the couch. Then she'd go on and on about birth control, STDs, teenage pregnancy and eventually go into how I came to be – _oh the shame_. My mother wouldn't think twice about saying any of it in front of Leah, either.

That's when I came up with the idea of putting Leah in my room and then I would sleep on the couch for the night. That way Leah could stay and my mom wouldn't check my room to see if I was there. I could kick Leah out the second my mom got in the shower the next morning. As soon as I formulated the plan, I heard my mother's car pull up to the house. I promptly scooped Leah up from the couch and rushed her into my bedroom, grateful that I'd cleaned it and changed the sheets earlier in the day. I placed Leah on my bed, turned off the lights, shut the door and got myself back on the couch before my mother walked in the door. My mother seemed happy but incredibly tired so she didn't make much small talk. Just said she had fun talking to Billy and then said she was going to turn in. She said 'goodnight', gave me a hug, went to her bedroom and shut her door.

I went to check on Leah about thirty minutes later. When I opened the door, she stirred a little and started murmuring incoherent sentences. At first I wasn't paying much attention to what she was saying, just worrying about the volume at which she spoke because I didn't want her to wake up my mom. She got quiet and I was about to leave the room when Leah started mumbling more nonsense. I shut the door again, rushed to her side, stroked her hair and shushed her.

When she quieted down I stood up and was just about to leave the room when Leah said seven words that stopped me in my tracks. Sure she was mumbling and asleep when she said those words but she definitely said them. She said, "I think I'm in love with Embry."

* * *

**A/N: So what do you think Leah is freaked out about? Huh? Huh? Even Embry doesn't have a clue (but I do).**

**This is my longest chapter so far because ****Embry thinks to damn much, far more then Leah does. Actually he's just too damn observant or something. I don't know if it's clear or not but Embry's feelings are messed up right now. He's mad at Leah because of how she used him but he's still very much in love with her and sexually attracted to her and he's still got the pack bond thrown in. Too many feelings for a guy to process. BTW, Thinking like a teenage boy is difficult for me because I don't know how their minds work. Honestly, I have no clue. That part when I was trying to describe Leah's body was just weird for me so if it doesnt' work for you, I'm sorry.**

**Also, I think it's obvious but Leah is confused about how she feels about Embry. Although some of the things he did in this chapter really impressed her. She liked that he's going to take care of his mom for the rest of her life and how he appreciates his mother (although it also makes her question how she's been treating her mom). And Leah likes how he's taking care of her (leah), even when she doesn't particularly deserve it.**

**There is something going on with Seth and his army of skanks. I know he's so OOC in my story but I have a good reason as to why. I'm not going to go into it right now though.**

**Actually all my characters are sort of OOC in a way. Here's the deal, once Leah left Sam's pack I don't think Leah was a gi-normous bitch all the live-long day. Although yeah, she was still sort of bitchy, but not so bad. I don't think she was a bitch before Sam dumped her. I think she's always been stubborn and prideful (and sometimes a pain in the ass) but I really do think she was a good person before her life came crashing down. In this story, she's having an identity crisis. She doesn't know who she is anymore. She's confused. Is she the insane bitch? Is she the girl that Sam loved? She's neither and she both. She's also Jacob's Beta but since she's not really needed because there really isn't any need for them to go on patrol for the time being (Sam's pack is taking care of the rez) and Alice says the Volturi aren't coming back (for now). So yeah, Leah doesn't know who she is and is also having issues with her self-confidence. If I was a better writer, I would have done a better job making that more clear.**

**Spoiler Alert (sort of): I _THINK_ I'm going to write the next chapter from Embry's POV. I already have the outline written for it but it could be told by either Leah or Embry.**

**Oh, and the following is TMI so don't read the following if you don't want to read TMI about Embry: Embry wasn't touching himself when Leah showed up at his house, but I think he might have if Leah hadn't showed up when she did.**


	18. Author's Note

*****CHAPTER THAT IS ONLY AN AUTHOR'S NOTE*****

Sorry to get your hopes up folks but this isn't an update (I totally SUCK, _I know_). I just wanted to let you all know that I'm going to get back to this story (and my other stories). _I will_. I've just had quite a bit going on in my personal life as of late. Sorry.

In the meantime, if you've been looking for some good books to read, here are a few of my recent favorites:

The Hunger Games By Suzanne Collins (MY #1 Favorite book as of right now. READ IT!!!)

Eon By Alison Goodman (It's a little slow going at first but OH. MY. GOSH. is it _super good_!!!)

Mortal Instruments Trilogy By Cassandra Clare (I really enjoy this series. One of my absolute favorites)

The Wicked Lovely Series By Melissa Marr (Books about Faeries. Yeah, I know, sounds sorta stupid. But it's NOT! Really good series)

Magic Bites, Magic Burns, Magic Strikes By Ilona Andrews (This series has everything: Vampires, _Were_-every-animal-you-can-think-of, Witches, other mythical beings and one KICK ASS protagonist. Pretty violent but still totally worth reading).

The Cassandra Palmer Series By Karen Chance (I **_LOVE_** this series. READ IT!)

A Great and Terrible Beauty By Libba Bray (I _FINALLY_ picked this book up - along with the other two in the series - a few weeks ago. They are pretty good.)

Vampire Academy Books By Richelle Mead (Probably my favorite YA Vampire series)

Blue Bloods By Melissa De La Cruz (Not my favorite vampire books but still worth reading)

The House of Night Series By P.C. & Kristen Cast (Other Vampyre - yes, that's how vampire is spelled in this series - series. I like this series more then I like the Blue Bloods Series but not as much as Vampire Academy Series).

Anything by Tamora Pierce (I'm reading the Beka Cooper Series right now. Really good).

Maximum Ride Books 1-3 By James Patterson (book 4 was irritating - I feel it was a waste of time - and I still can't force myself to finish book 5)

The Summoning By Kelley Armstrong (She sees dead people. No really, she does)

Bitten By Kelley Armstrong (Book about a female werewolf. She is the ONLY female werewolf in the world. Sound familiar?)

Anyway, sorry that I suck so badly. I will get back to writing again. I swear I will.

-LEIA


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